First let me tell you the story behind this blog. As I post many times, on this site anyone is welcome to email me and I personally answer them all. Even if you come on the site and the blue Chat button is on in the lower right, you are texting directly with me. I received an email from a reader who read my book Balancing The Scale with a question. The question was, "can people really agree to disagree?" SO this blog post is for that reader. The answer is YES, and NO. Wow, that doesn't sound like much of an answer does it. Don't go away, find out why. First, the term has different meanings to many due to people's perception. The first thing to establish is what you need to understand:
1. You have to be the type of person who can COMPROMISE. If it's your way or the highway, you can never truly agree to disagree. You're just saying the words.
2. You must know that is about the subject, not the person, so it's NOT PERSONAL. Getting mad at each other can never allow you to agree to disagree.
3. You MUST realize that once you agree to disagree, unless either person has a change of heart, it's a subject that can no longer be discussed because you have already agreed that you disagree. That's the tough one because it is an human innate behavior for most to what things to be their way. Even if they can't admit it.
4. You have to be able to accept that everyone has an opinion, a perception. That opinion makes them neither right or wrong. It's their opinion. Isn't that why you are agreeing to disagree.
5. Make a plan. There will be times that a subject is so important to one or the other, that you simply can't agree to disagree due to your strong conviction about the topic.
There are more, but I believe you get the message. Therefore, people can agree to disagree if they are the above type of people and follow the rules of engagement. If they are not, than they will never be able to do it. Agreeing to disagree in theory at least, means that life we agree to disagree, it's over. We have accepted that and can and do move on. You haven't moved on if you keep it buried inside. I once dated a girl for a short while. She would stay over for days at a time. If we had a discussion that we couldn't agree on after talking about it, we would agree to disagree. Later when we got in bed, and if intimacy started, she would say, leave me alone I'm mad at you. So, did we really agree to disagree? I can tell you this, that relationship ended much sooner than later. So what's the answer. The answer is much easier than you think, because it's the one of two things that many people, actually most people, don't do. One of the topics I discuss heavily in my book.
1. Most people really don't know themselves and perceive themselves as they think, or would like themselves to be. So first, you have to really know your true self.
2. Very few friends, spouses, significant others, or even co-workers, establish these boundaries. They don't really define themselves to each other.
Ask yourself this question. Do you really know the people that you surround yourself with daily. The ones that have meaning in your life? Do they know you? We aren't talking about an over the table dinner conversation. My readers question was very specific to the relationship aspect. One they are in now. Thinking that you know what you can do, is quite different then when you have to do it. There is no reality, until there is reality. Meaning, until your faced with it.
In closing, ask yourself all these questions. Find out first if your the type that can agree to disagree. Ask your partner the same question. Do it early. You don't want to find out later in the game you can't, because your life together will be filled with constant arguments. If you can, than just follow the rules, and life will be grand. Watch for my next blog post Thursday evening on the topic of AGGRAVATION. Why we have it at home or at work, what causes it, and how to prevent it. You will be shocked to hear these answers. For now, God Bless and be well. ..... Follow me on Twitter and Facebook. .... Caesar