"Why Don't People Listen?"

October 26, 2018

Thank you to Suzie from North Carolina for the topic request. Let's see if we can clear this up. 

 

 

People don't listen for a variety of reasons:

 

  • They don't care,

  • They are not interested in your comments,

  • You could be boring them,

  • Human nature,

  • People hate to be spoken at,

  • They have more important things on their mind,

  • Repeating the same topic.

They don't care - People are quite selective as to what they care about. The vast majority of people, and all not in a bad way, are selfish. What interests them revolves around what does interest them. Ask yourself, how many business meeting do you attend, or a meeting a group meeting with your boss, do you really care about what they are talking about, unless it directly affects you.  I would bet at least 90% of those people do not care and are probably daydreaming. 

 

In order to get people to listen, you have to make it personal. 

 

Things need to be personal to people. It needs to have some affect on their lives. IF you are talking to someone about something they don;t care about, they simple tune you out. This is especially true in business. If your boss has weekly meetings with every staff member attending, and many of the items other staff people are reporting on do not concern you, you simply don;t care. A smart manager meets with teams. This keeps the thoughts and interests flowing since the topics relate specifically to those them members. Group staff meetings should only be when a topic affects everyone. If the boss, or should I say leader, because no one should be a boss, they should be a leader does not want to have more than one meeting, they are not doing an effective job by engaging people properly. BOREDOM sets in quickly, therefore, making that meeting completely useless. Some people just like to hear themselves speak. Please don;t do it on my dime.

 

They are interested in your comments  - The fact is, not everyone has the same interests. With that said, in a personal relationship, in order for healthy communications, both parties should want to hear with one another have to say. For example: If my significant other comes home from shopping, personally, I don;t care what see purchased, however, they want to show you since they may be proud of the deal they found, or are seeking your approval. Take the time to listen. People will spend more time arguing about it rather than simply getting it over with. That applies to many things in a relationship. The number one compliant I hear from couples is, "She or he never wants to be intimate." When this occurs, I usually ask, "How long did you argue about it?" IN EVERY CASE, the argument as to whether or not to be intimate goes on much longer than the act itself would have taken. That mentality also leads to problems further down the road.  If you are a public speaker, this will not apply because those attending are coming to hear you speak on that topic. Where that goes bad is when the speaker is constantly straying from the subject. This is very common in the medical field. A speaker will go off on their experiences and stray away from the topic for a long period of time. Here's the secret. Everyone has stories, use yours as a example, or teaching tool, not as a history of everything you have done. This concept applies to many forms of communications. Think about it, how many of you have friends that no matter what is said, they did it, and have a story for it? My next question is, how many times do you find yourself avoiding that person? So true, right?

 

You could be boring them Not everyone can has the ability to keep someone's interest. Just as there are those that can tell a job and bring the house down, and others that bomb at it. People get bored and tired quickly. Avoid it.

 

Human Nature -   It's human nature for people not to listen. Most of us spend are days listening to someone. This is the main reason that couple have a difficult times conversing at night. If you want someone to listen, get to your point, don;t belabor it, and be done with it. Do not continue with one topic after another, than another. 

 

People hate to be spoken at -  No one to be spoken at, they like to be spoken with. Do not hog the conversation. Give others time to speak.

 

They have more important things on their mind - Many times people have things on their mind that are troubling them which to them, is far more important than what you wish to speak about. When people get the feeling someone is not listening, they get frustrated and push harder. I promise you in every case, this WILL lead to an argument. At times, you have to put what you need to discuss aside, and listen to what someone has to say, or save it for another time. 

 

Repeating the same topic - This one is HUGE. Someone will make their point, resolve it, and bring it up again, or many times in the same conversation. When it's done, it's done. A good comparison might be a musical concert. You like a band, you go to the show, and love it. They played all the music you liked. You leave the concert feeling great. A few months later, you go to hear them again, and you see the same show. This time, you are disappointed.  You heard nothing new, you only heard the same thing over again. Conversations are the same. Once it is resolved, put it to rest.

 

SUMMARY:  These are just a few reason why people don't listen. There are probably many more. Some people are simply not communicators, or do not like to talk, or listen. All perfectly normal traits. It does not make them bad people. So if you want people to listen, give them something worth listening to. 

 

Please feel free to leave a comment below. You can follow me on Facebook - Caesar Rondina Author, Twitter - @caesarrondina, and Instagram - caesarrondinaauthor. The first in the three-book murder mystery "Life Through A Mirror" was just released and is receiving 5-star reviews. It is available in all major online outlets in print, audio book, and E-book formats. "The Warrior Within," A self-help book about anger, will be released in November. One of the most impactful book you will ever read, "A Woman's Fear," will be offered for pre-sales in November, with a January 4th., 2019 release date. This is abuse about female abuse in all forms. True stories told by women who have experienced many forms of abuse and how they survived, along with true stories from my many years as a paramedic. No names or references to any locations are given. Privacy is paramount. Thank you .... CJR         

 

 

 

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