The world according to you. What does that mean? Let's face it. We all want things our way. However, is that realistic? Are we the only one that matters? When does the line get crossed separating our needs versus selflessness? I attend many events. Some of which I have to for my books, and others that are more of a social and personal nature. Let me ask you a question. How many times have you had to attend an event alone because your significant other did not want to go?
At many events I overhear a man or a woman reply when asked, where's your husband, or wife, depending on gender of the person. Some make what is clearly an obvious excuse, and others are honest. "My husband/wife/partner, did not want to come because they didn't know anyone." Another question. What's worse, your partner not wanting to go, or you not wanting to ask them because they don't know anyone? Do you think your partner is that anti-social that they cannot interact with new people? The ones that don;t want to go simply do not want to interact with people they don't know.
Are there exceptions to the rule?
LET'S DIG RIGHT IN:
I raised many question in the introduction. Basically, some people are more social than others, whether they are in a relationship or not. I once worked for a company that had a yearly Christmas party. Keep in mind these were all adults. In the questionnaire they sent around, there was one yes or no question. "Do you want to bring your spouse or guest?" Frankly, I found that question insulting and appalling. Why would I not want to bring my partner or guest? Many have the mentality that dictates, they will be bored, we will be talking about work. Okay, does that mean other people cannot talk about other things? Do you not bring a guest or your partner to a family wedding because they don't know the entire family? The fact is, that is just an excuse so they do not feel obligated to have to spend time introducing their guest and do not want to take on the task of trying to make them have a good time. How about just letting things go as they will go. I have gone to weddings where I did not know most people and had no trouble socializing and meeting new people. So what gives? What's the underlying reasons? Another example, however, this one I have more leeway of thought on is a school reunion. There are two schools of thought why someone would NOT want to take their partner. Here is a link to a 2016 article about that question.
Personally I would go if asked, but if not, could understand. Most spouses do not want to spend the entire evening constantly introducing their partner when they are there to see former friends and talk about the 'old days.' So there are exceptions to the rule, and in my opinion, that situation does not apply as being selfish or having your wants revolve around just you. In these cases, there are no rules to follow. It's whatever works for the couple. However, with that said, I have to ask you, do you think if a partner wants to go, the one going should shut them out and hurt their feelings? The dreaded phrase I always use. "The Human Condition." Some people who do not understand this think someone is insecure, non-trusting, or whatever other adjective you want to assign to it. That;s not it at all. IT IS HUMAN NATURE FOR PEOPLE TO WONDER WHEN SOMEONE HAS STRONG FEELING ABOUT SOMETHING TO WANT TO, OR WONDER WHY. People try to through the words, "Are you that insecure" around to avoid answering the question, Why don't you want me to go. As I stated, for me I could care less, but I am the exception to the rule. The data shows that over 90% of people want to know why when someone pushes an issue. It what our species is. The best part is, when the shoe is on the other foot, it's a different story. Oh yes, I have lived that story as well.
What is all boils down to is this. People live in three worlds. Their world, a fantasy world, and the real world. Each of these are conflict with the other, and people as a rule, will change their opinions based on the circumstances. Therefore, to some degree, we all think the world is about us and what we want, until the circumstances are different.
When does this become a problem? It becomes a problem when a problem is caused. Most people will not care if their partner does NOT want to go to their company Christmas party if no one else is bringing their partners. However, if everyone else is, and now the partner does NOT want to go, it now becomes a problem, and I guarantee at some point, an argument will occur. Life is not a double standard. On one can have it their way all the time, and certainly, the rules cannot always change. Personally, I would bring my partner to any event I attend. I do not view her or anything I need to do as a burden. It's her choice whether or not she wants to go. The key point is, I am giving her the option to decide. Not forcing a decision upon her. That is where the problems begin. It's really simple. If a person always wants to make independent decisions, than do not get in a committed relationship. I know that sounds a bit harsh. However, when we cross the line from being single to not being single, some things in life change. That change requires both people to be accommodating towards the other. Therefore, it is not longer a world according just to one person.
One of the other problems is the value that people now place on relationships. In theory, a relationship is no longer about one person, it's about two people. With that said, that is in theory. Both have the right to exercise independence, but not at the risk of insulting or hurting the other person that is supposed to be significant in their life. I ask you to think about this, have the priorities of a relationship changed?
So your thoughts don't get carried away. I am NOT suggesting that every thing each person does, the other has to be a part of. That would be ludicrous. All I am saying is, once involved, the world is no longer just about you. If you make it that way, you are being a selfish individual. Remember I stated we live in three worlds? The fantasy world is the what you believe would be perfect. Your world is the way you would like things to be. The real world is the way things actually are. The problem people have is when those three worlds conflict with one another. It is rare when that happens, but overtime, if it happens enough, both people WILL eventually do their own thing and spend a great deal of time apart. When it gets to that point, they may still be together, but it is now a failed relationship.
Please feel free to leave a comment, or browse the site. Book3, the final book in the Life Through A Mirror murder mystery trilogy, Life Through A Mirror-When Murder Calls, is now available. The murder mystery series is now complete and available in Print, E-book, and Audiobook. On September 10th., my love story, When Two Worlds Collide will be released. It is available for pre-orders now. Oh, and don't forget, A Woman's Fear-Female Abuse is a must read for every woman, and yes, even men. All my books are available on all major online bookstores. This year we have branched out and opened a video production company, Altech Videos. Feel free to click on the name and check us out. My YouTube channel and Vimeo channels are growing. Feel free to check them out and subscribe to them if you would like. I am happy to add that last week, we broken the 4,000 subscriber mark. Please feel free to subscribe to receive a notification when a blog is posted by clicking this link. SUBSCRIBE. We do not share or sell your email information. All the links to my different platforms are below. Most of what I do as a writer revolves around my connection to my readers, so, LET'S CONNECT.
Thank you ..... Caesar Rondina
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