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STRESS - What - why- control. A three step process.


It is said; "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." An inspirational saying at best, but a myth. Stress may not kill you today, and it does not make you stronger. In fact, it can lead the things that can kill you sooner than later.

Stress ... doesn't everyone experience it? Yes,everyone experiences stress in some form. The main difference is how different types of stress affect each person, and each person reacts differently to different types of stress. What you need to know is, stress can be controlled but your body plays a major part in that process. In order to understand this post, you must understand the stress process. Allow me to briefly summarize it and explain. The first step in the process is the introduction or the trigger that causes you to become stressed. THIS IS THE STAGE WHERE YOU HAVE THE CONTROL TO STOP IT OR REDUCE IT. Miss this opportunity, which we will discuss in the next section, the body takes over.

Before I forget, as most of you know, I welcome good blog content from anyone. Next week I am happy to post a guest blog post from writer, poetic, and blogger, Brandon C. Allen on the topic of Nostalgia. I hope you will all read it, I found it quite refreshing.


When something stresses you and you allow it to, the Central Nervous System, (CNS), takes over and contributes to what is known as the "fight or flight" response. It is exactly as worded. You will either stand your ground an fight the issue or run from it. Any medical professional will tell you that as people, it is always better to PROPERLY face issues and resolving them rather than have them build up over time, until they are reach a point where they become out of control. At this point, issue could require much more effort and cause additional stress to resolve them. During the stress process, the Central Nervous System signals a gland called the adrenal glands to release hormones called Adrenalin, (also know as epinephrine), and cortisol. Without getting to technical, these hormones cause an increase in blood pressure, heart rate, and respiratory rates. As our body reacts to stress and our heart rate increases and our blood pressure increases, our heart muscle requires more oxygen. Therefore, we breath faster. In some cases, individuals might start to breath so fast that they suffer from a condition called hyperventilation. You don not need to be a doctor to figure out that these effects can be very harmful to those who already suffer from respiratory or heart problems. In my 30 years as a paramedic, I have carded for many people having an Asthma attack or a heart attack to the rapid release of these hormones due to stress. I have also seen people die from this.

What medicine does know is that stress can be a killer. Even if you are healthy now, over time, stress, and the releasing of these hormones, very well may case you to develop different medical conditions. It is also suspected that stress is the most common cause of many disease processes. No one is saying if you have no stress in your life you will live forever. However, reducing the stress in your life can certainly extend it. The question is, can we do that? Let's find out.


The first step in solving any problem is realizing that there is one. Everyone handles stress differently. The more you become stressed, or the greater the effect of stress you have, the health risks increase dramatically. It also has a cumulative effect. The more is builds up, the greater the risk. Not that we understand the cause and effect, let's talk about how to control it. Earlier I stated the time to control the stress when an event occurs is when it happens. This is the ONLY time your mind can control the effects before the merry-go-round starts. That is achieved by understanding and believing certain things.

1. Know that every problem has a solution. What you need to overcome is the reality that you may not like the solution, but there is one. It is human nature to be able to find the answers and when we don't like the answer, we move on to the next possibility, and so on, until we find the one we like. However, in almost every case, that is NOT the solution that will solve the problem. This applies to finances, relationships, work, and other things. Running from, or manipulating a problem that is causing you stress will only prolong the stress.

2. You cannot worry about the things you can't control. What does that mean? A couple of examples might be a relationship. You cannot control what someone else does, or how they think, Worrying about it only causes increased stress, resulting in increased long term risks. No one wants to lose someone they have, even if they know it is not right for them and not working. Love is a very powerful emotion, along with being insecure, and not wanting to be alone. You may have to work those issues out separately. For finances, if you have already overspent, you owe that money. You can't control that your bill collectors want to be paid. However, what you can control is formulating a budget to pay them all. The problem that people face on this front, is that is means SACRIFICE. No more useless spending on things you don;t really need. Dinners out, jewelry, or anything else that is not essential to live until you have your bills under control so you can start doing these things again. Why is this so hard? People always want more, and do not want to stop what they are doing. The result is, they go deeper and deeper into debt. Since you can only control your future debt, except for unexpected things, there is no point in stressing over it. Formulate your plan, accept the sacrifices you must make, and enjoy the part where the satisfaction will come when you start to see your debt lowered.

Sure, you can file bankruptcy as solve that problem. However, the data shows that many people who filed bankruptcy once, will get right back into debt, and ten years later when they can, they will file again. THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF GAINING CONTROL OF A PRESENT SITUATION IS MAINTAINING IT TO AVOID FUTURE SITUATIONS.

3. LET THINGS GO. The hardest thing for people to do is let things go. Some refer to this as past baggage. YOU MUST BE ABLE ACCEPT AND UNDERSTAND that no one, not even you, can changed your past. You MUST learn how to let it go. It's done and over, and you cannot change it. Taking it with you into your present or your future, will only cause you more stress and could have devastating consequences on your future choices.

Simply put, your past was a learning experience. Everyone has screwed up. Some, more or worse than others, but they all share one common denominator. It's in their past. If you learned by your mistakes, they will not affect your future decisions. If you continually making the same mistakes, you might have deeper issues that require professional help. I discuss this in great detail in my book Making Partnership Choice.

SUMMARY: Three simple steps that at first will not be easy, but can be easily learned and mastered if practice it in your daily life. I mentioned professional help.Another human characteristic is, NO ONE WANTS TO ADMIT THEY NEED HELP. People view seeking out professional help as a sign of weakness, and no one wants to feel weak. Seeking out professional help in certain areas of your life DOES NOT mean you are weak. It only means you need help processing certain things in your life. You might be able to get through it by talking to friend you trust, or a family member. If that does not work, or is not available to you, or you simply do not wish to tell others, then it it time to seek professional help. It is completely confidential, no one needs to know, and the result is you get better at dealing with those issues. In closing. You can have all the money in the world, you have have all the love in the world, but if you don't have your health, you can;t enjoy what ever it is you do have. A friend of mine who owns a funeral home told me one of the truest statement I ever heard.It was my wake up call to reduce as much stress in my life as possible, and maybe it will be yours as well.


Life Through A Mirror-When Murder Calls, This murder mystery trilogy is now complete and available in Print, E-book, and Audiobook.

A Woman's Fear-Female Abuse is a must read for every woman, and yes, even men.

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