Perfection And Imperfection. - A self-help 2024 topic.
INTRODUCTION:
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL! I trust everyone had a great New Year. I traveled a fair amount this past holiday season, and seeing my family and friends was great. I wanted to start 2024 with a self-help topic. Last year, I received some exciting emails and topic requests. Many people seem to think they are surrounded by people who think they are perfect. You know the type. I could do no wrong, or I'm never wrong.
Therefore, I thought I would address this topic and try to help some people better understand how to get along with others. Let's face it. In most situations, we think we are correct when there is a conflict. We now live in a judgemental society with those who judge others continually. However, what are they basing their judgments against? The data shows that people view themselves as a constant. This means they use themselves as a comparison model when they judge someone else. This leads me to ask myself one question. "Who died and decided to ordain you as the PERFECT individual?"
PERFECT AND PERFECTION:
When something, anything, or anyone is perfect, this means having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics to be as good as it can possibly be. It cannot get any better. It is perfect.
Perfection is the condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects. This leads me to ask you one question. How many people do you know that fit either one of those explanations? NONE!
I submit to you that there is no such thing as perfect or perfection. It does not exist. It's that simple. The words perfect and perfection are used openly by many people. What I do submit to you is that perfect and perfection is a person's perception. Not a reality.
For example. You may feel your significant other is a perfect fit for you. However, that does NOT mean they are perfect as an individual. Everything comes with some flaws. NOTHING IS PERFECT. There would be no room to improve if everything and everyone were perfect. Things would never break. Relationships would never end. There would be no reason to improve something since it is already perfect. Most importantly, there would be no reason to improve ourselves since we would all be pictures of perfection.
I ask you. Does that sound realistic? Of course not. Therefore, where does this notion of perfect and perfection come from? That's the easy part. I already told you. It comes from a person's perception of whatever they are referring to as being perfect. Everyone perceives things differently.
Everyone sees things differently and forms different opinions. This trait is a product of upbringing, era, culture, faith, morals, beliefs, experiences, etc. The list goes on.
Perfection is the enemy of progress. Once we think we are perfect or have achieved perfection, which applies to anything or anyone, we fail to try to do better, become better individuals, or make something better. Therefore, many become judgemental. How many times have you had someone you know have a relationship problem? Usually, your advice starts with comparing their issue to how you and your partner handle things. If your friend owns a car that is having problems, you compare it to your vehicle, which had no known issues at the time.
You are using yourself as the model of perfection for comparison and continue to advise others using yourself as an example. Is it time for a wake-up call? YOU ARE NOT PERFECT. However, it's okay. It is human nature and people have been doing this since the beginning of time. However, when it affects our growth as individuals, causes bias, or causes other issues, it becomes problematic, especially at the level of society.
IMPERFECTION:
As I stated. There is no such thing as perfection. Everyone and everything has flaws or imperfections. This is what is considered normal for people. We are all imperfect. These imperfections are different for everyone. Some individuals are tunnel-visioned. They can only see their side of things. For some, it may be personality issues. It varies and can include anything.
I have always believed and have stated many times, especially in relationships. The question to ask ourselves is not whether a person is a perfect fit for us. It's whether or not we can live with their imperfections. Again, NO ONE IS PERFECT. Everyone does something from time to time that will irritate their partner. Most times, it's the same action or actions. You need to ask yourself, can you live with it? Are they open to discussing it and willing to try and change?
The vast majority of people share one common human trait. That trait is when they are approached about an issue about themselves; they IMMEDIATELY become defensive. Therefore, we must be cautious about approaching these issues with others and how we achieve this to have a constructive conversation. Easier said than done.
Does it sound like I'm beating us all up? Maybe a bit, but this is normal human behavior. We don't know any better because we have seen everyone do this. Why is it so important to admit and identify with our imperfections? Until we do, we cannot become better individuals and have more meaningful interactions with others. We all must admit to ourselves and others that we are not perfect. We all have some imperfections (s). We can only work on resolving these issues when we identify and admit this to ourselves.
I remember when I had to do my clinical rotations. I spent weeks as an observer with a marriage counselor. I was amazed to see and hear what many couples would complain about. These were the four most common denominators in the numerous cases I followed.
Both parties wanted to have the last word,
Neither party wanted to admit their shortfalls,
It was always the other person's fault,
Failure to communicate.
Yes, there were others, but these were the most common. The counselor's job is to get both parties to speak openly and on the same level, understanding the feelings of others by seeing things through the eyes of the other. This takes a great deal of time because people become set in their ways over time, and changing is difficult, especially if they were alone for some time before becoming involved in a new relationship. Another reason is that many could not leave their past behind and took it with them into the present. Do these imperfections make these people bad people? Of course not. They are only human and are holding on to their inherent nature. It's all they know.
When people go to a counselor, they expect miracles. They hope the counselor will fix their problem and take their side. That is the farthest thing from the truth. The counselor's job is to get the people talking to one another, listening to one another, and opening the communication lines that have failed. Most of the work is not done in the office. It is done at home in-between visits.
All of this speaks to our imperfections. We do not want to admit to our imperfections. This applies to every aspect of life—our partners, friends, and family. It is the root cause of most of our social issues.
Yes, there are names for all these medical conditions, but I won't waste your time. I want to keep this as simple as possible and keep my explanation easy to understand. Each person's goal should always be to strive to be a better person. Not a perfect one, because as I said, PERFECTION DOES NOT EXIST.
This is a predominant problem in people after being married once or twice, and now that they are older and have been alone for a while, starting to date again is a considerable challenge. Everyone is looking for that PERFECT partner. Remember what I said earlier: the perfect partner is the one where you can accept another's imperfections. If you cannot do that, most likely, you will be alone for quite a while longer.
GLOBAL PROBLEM:
Is this limited to just our own country? This is where it becomes more complicated. It is not limited to our own country or culture. It happens in every country. People are people regardless of where they live, race, color, or creed. It even affects our leaders. This further causes global conflicts and makes them more challenging to resolve. Indirectly, this trickles down to the level that affects all things in life. Protests, protests that turn violent, domestic violence, etc. This single post is not intended to fix the world. God knows the world isn't going to listen to me, and no one person can single-handedly fix the way people have been thinking for centuries. But like everything else, it only needs to start with one. Admitting we are not perfect, understanding our imperfections, and working on fixing them will help us become better individuals. In the end, we will lead a happier life. A life with fewer arguments and less emotional stress, and we will feel better about ourselves. This also leads to a healthier life.
IN CLOSING:
To sum it all up and put it into its basic meaning, it looks like this. WE ARE NOT PERFECT. NO ONE WILL EVER BE PERFECT. STOP LOOKING FOR PERFECTION, IT DOES NOT EXIST. ADMIT OUR IMPERFECTIONS AND WORK ON CORRECTING THEM. MAKE YOUR GOAL TO BECOME A BETTER PERSON, NOT AA PERFECT ONE.
We must work on ourselves before we can help others or benefit others. It sounds easier than it is, but it could be done. I know this through my own experiences. Remember that people can express their opinions openly but in the proper manner. Life is not only about you.
2024 will be a critical year for us all. It's an election year, and we all know there needs to be some form of change. What better way to start the new year than to stop it by becoming better individuals ourselves? Remember, focus on the things you can control, not the things you cannot control. Thank you.
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Please feel free to leave comments, or if you have a topic you would like me to discuss, you can email me at crondina@caesarrondinaauthor.com. Thank you.
Be safe, stay well, and focus on being happy. And remember to always:
Live with an open mind,
Live with an open heart,
Live your best life.
Best Regards,
Caesar Rondina
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