Let's Get Real and Personal (can you handle this post?)
I am sure you wondering what this post is all about. Actually, it is exactly as it is written. Let's get real and personal. I like reality and I like making it personal. Why? I'm glad you asked. Their is so much fake crap in the world today and fake people, I find a breath of reality and being personal refreshing. My blog posts are normally based on data and facts because those are reality. I always try to use the word "we" because I am no different than any one of you. I put my pants on the same way everyone else does. I clean my own house, cook my own food, sew my own buttons, and do my own laundry. My video blog posts are usually cool, calm, and collective. Although, from time to time, I will rant. However, never ASSUME that because of that demeanor, I am beyond getting angry. Remember, I am no different than you. You should see me at a speaking engagement. I guess one might say I can go from a Ronald Reagan speaking approach to a George Carlin approach in a matter of seconds, when the situation merits it.
Let's Make It Real and Personal:
I'm not some "goodie two shoes" writer or speaker. I say and write it EXACTLY the way it is. Frankly, I don't give a damn if it's popular. Most times the truth is often not popular, because many choose to refuse to accept truth and reality. Especially when it doesn't fit into the safe little world they have created for themselves. Oh yes. That is what people do. They create a safe world for themselves. However, everyone has an opinion, and everyone thinks their opinion is correct. As much as I try not to, I too can fall prey to that. Ask yourself this; if everyone is always right, who the hell is wrong? Many forget that no matter what part of the world someone lives in, we all live on the same planet. We all have friends that talk nice to our face while they are holding a knife in one hand to stab us in the back when we turn to walk away. Some love drama. When there is none, they will create some. I was married to someone like that, and let me tell you, it sucked. You could call home on the way home from work and they are in a great mode. Ten minutes later when you walk in the door, the shit hits the fan. Clearly, I did not put up with that for long. I don't do drama, nor do I allow it to enter my life, unless it has a purpose that needs to be addressed.
To some degree, everything in life is personal at some level. Think about that. When someone pisses you off, don't you take it personal? When they make you happy, you also take that personal. When they screw you, you take that personal as well. So what the hell in life is NOT personal? NOTHING! Whether it is a friend, family member, or partner. It's always PERSONAL, and when it happens, it's REAL. People struggle with this day in and day out. I choose not to, and I will tell you how in the next section. I will will address how we can control this natural phenomenon that is innate in all people, and keep it out of your life. After over 30 years in medicine, there is one undisputed fact.
STRESS IS THE LEADING CAUSE OF THE START OF MOST DISEASES. Reduce or eliminate stress, and you reduce, not eliminate, that risk. Isn't it true that any additional time added to your life is worth it? Most people seek, and require, acceptance from others in different forms. Think back when you were in high school, or sooner. You always wanted to be accepted, part of the "IN" crowd. So much so, that you would do anything, no matter how stupid it was, to be accepted. Here is a rule of thumb. If you wouldn't something alone, don't do it with a crowd. That may work in high school, but honestly it never does, because another human characteristic which is part of the "HUMAN CONDITION" is; MOST PEOPLE WILL TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU. Of course, there are those that will not, but they are the minority, not the majority. Therefore, playing the game of acceptance, the odds are stacked against you.
HOW TO FIX IT:
The fix is much easier than you think. However, you must be strong enough and willing to be that person. To succeed in anything in life, we must want it bad enough. Be the person that will NOT accept this bullshit in your life. That is where it gets REAL and PERSONAL. In a much earlier blog post I stated people live in three worlds.
1. A fantasy world,
2. Their own world,
3. The real world.
I kid you not, that is a scientifically based fact, backed by actual data. Why do you think so many psychologists and psychiatrists are so busy? Certainly NOT because everyone is the same, or normal by whatever standards of normal you us. What exactly are these worlds? A fantasy world is the world people live in and all they do is fantasize about what they want. The reality is, most will never achieve it. Their own world is the world they live in that is based on their own rules and opinions. Some of the rules and opinions will mesh with the real world. However, most will not. These people are strictly opinionated, not open to discussion, and will never change. Now for the real world. These people know what the real world, meaning, the world we live in, and properly adjust to it within their own morals, beliefs, and values. Even if one or more of them is not popular or different.
I LIVE IN ONE WORLD. THE REAL WORLD!
No one can blow smoke up my ass and to cause me to do anything stupid, or anything I do not want to do. That is because I can face reality. Let's see how to avoid all this drama and stress.
1. Live in the real world. It is okay to have dreams and fantasies, but it not okay to live your life in that world. It simply is NOT realistic. In the real world, you know you have to work to reach your goals, fantasies, and/or dreams. When you live in a fantasy world, you stop working towards your goals because we may spend to much time fantasizing about it rather than trying to achieve it. .
2. Make it real, and make it personal. To do this, you must be ready, willing, and able, to speak your mind. Whether your thoughts are popular or accepted by others. You can easily achieve this by not be a complete fool. Expressing yourself intelligently, listen to others, but after the discussion, stand by you you believe, and know your facts.
3. Be an individual. Be able to do things on your own. Do not require a posse of people to do something you want to do. When you overly need other people, you run the risk of losing your individuality and become to reliant on others.
4. There is nothing wrong with doing something simply because it is fun. However, most of your focus must remain on what is right for you. You must realize the consequences that could come from your actions, and there is ALWAYS consequences for everything we do, and everything we say, and be prepared to accept them. However, keep in mind that no matter what you do or say, it should be directed towards your goals, not others. In a relationship, that changes to some degree because now you are merging the goals of two people into one common goal. In any relationship, each person has the right to have their own goals. If you cannot come to a compromise, it's time to walk away.
5. NEVER allow anyone to enable you, or try to control you. Phrases such as; "We're all doing this, why won;t you," or "You're either in or your;re out," do not take your concerns into account. Let me let you in on a secret. People who cause trouble for others NEVER do it alone, If they did, they would not have a "fall guy" to blame. They always enlist a partner. DO NOT BE LED INTO THE TRAP OF BEING THEIR PARTNER. Never lose your individuality or stand up for what you believe.
There you have it. Five simple rules to follow that will help you to be REAL and make it PERSONAL. Yes, we will all do things at times to gain acceptance, and some of those are fine. Such as, doing something for your partner because it's special for them. That is completely normal, and might I add, expected. People fall prey to this for the wrong reasons. They may be depressed for some reason, feeling lonely, are fooling themselves into feeling happy when in fact they are not, or have low self-esteem. People in these situations and more likely to reach out and latch on to anything or anyone to mask those feelings. These types of individuals have deeper problems and probable need some counseling. Therefore, you must be able to happy within, and with yourself first. Anything less, is a formula for failure.
Most believe that being a writer is glamorous. It is far from it. If a writer is NOT a strong person, they had better throw out their pen and pencil, computer, or any other device they use for writing. I have received outstanding reviews of the majority of my books, and others, not so good. That is part of the process, I know it and accept that it will happen. For example, if I write a murder mystery, or any other genre of book, it is impossible to write it for the taste of every person who reads it. Therefore, if the style of the book does not meet the the type of murder mystery someone likes, you will not get a good review. The old saying, "You can keep some of the people happy some of the time, but never all of the people all of the time," is truth.
Personally, I do not believe in the book review process because it is based on the opinion of how that one person perceived the book. With that said, when someone reads that review, even if the book is one that they would love, they won't buy it. Life is busy. People do not have time to write reviews like many did years ago. Therefore, a great book could get a bad wrap. This is the number one reason why there are many "one and done" writers. My point being, you have to be REAL and PERSONAL for this not to bother you. That is only one example. I am sure you can think of many others. So that sums up this topic. I hope you enjoyed the post. Feel free to leave a comment.
Here are the links to my most recent books.
Life Through A Mirror-When Murder Calls, This murder mystery trilogy is now complete and available in Print, E-book, and Audiobook.
When Two Worlds Collide, a love story, is now available. The Audiobook will be released on Oct. 8th., but can be pre-ordered at this time.
A Woman's Fear-Female Abuse is a must read for every woman, and yes, even men.
All my books are available on all major online bookstores.
This year we have branched out and opened a video production company, Altech Videos. We produce video book trailers, business ads, and speaker introductions.
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