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Do We Cut Our Noses Off To Spite Our Face? - Pride, Jealousy, Stupidity.




INTRODUCTION:


This week, I received an email asking why this individual makes choices and regrets them later. The email was so personal I pushed it up to the top of the list. I rarely do that, but I found this topic an excellent self-help topic. Why? Because it is something that we have all done at one time or another in our lives. Also, many people have never learned their lessons and continue this practice. So, here we go.


FACTS:


We all make choices for a variety of reasons. However, I am not referring to our choices out of necessity. These choices are often out of our control and primarily relate to finances. In this post, I am referring to our choices for other reasons. Some of these might include revenge, spite, matters of the heart, emotions, anger, and jealousy, to name a few. God knows there are many more.


When an individual is hurt, feels threatened, or any other emotion that triggers the part of the brain that controls spitefulness and anger, we react. The issue is how we respond rather than the fact that we do react. Anger starts with the amygdala stimulating the hypothalamus, much like in the fear response. In addition, parts of the prefrontal cortex may also play a role in anger. People with damage to this area often have trouble controlling their emotions, especially anger and aggression. - article by Healthline.


I won't confuse you with all the medical mumbo jumbo on how this works. The article I linked is perfect for you to read and explains it well. However, this is a reality. It happens between friends, family members, co-workers, and others you may come in contact with. The primary problem is that most people cannot get past their anger. Remember that old saying? Never make a decision when you are angry.

The human brain is a mysterious organ, and we still do not know its full potential. We do know that we do not use it to its full potential. Yet, it's the boss of us. The emotion that keeps us on an even keel is common sense. However, since we have cut our noses off to spite our faces, it is evident that we also do not always use our common sense.


The phrase, "cut court nose off to spite our face," means we do something knowing that we know is not what we should do, but it is what we want to do to resolve whatever feeling of spite, revenge, anger, or other emotions we may be feeling.


In our afterthoughts, we usually wish we never did what we did. It is often because our choices have come back to haunt us. WE DIDN'T THINK IT THROUGH. We reacted purely based on our emotions. However, didn't it feel good? Of course, it did until it came back and backfired on us.


THE PLAN:


Yes, it is a plan. People plan it out well. It is often not one action but usually a series of actions. We call this spite. Spite is a desire to hurt, annoy, or offend someone. This is often referred to as someone being spiteful. They will take action knowing that these actions may not be in their best interest. Hence, we call this cutting our noses off to spite our faces. We forget the first rule of life. For every action, there is a reaction. This means that when confronted with this behavior from another, they will respond in some form. Now, the actual battle begins. Out of spite, many friendships have been lost, family members may not talk to one another for years, and co-workers have day-to-day aggregation.


Let me ask you. Does any of this sound productive or lead to anything that can be productive? I think not. Another saying we have all heard and used is; never burn your bridges. Every bridge we cross in life, we may have to cross again. Once we burn that bridge, we can no longer cross it. We never know when we may have to deal with that individual again later in life. This is especially true in the workplace. Every business course you may have ever taken reached you to ALWAYS leave a job on good terms. One day, you may find yourself interviewing for a different company, and guess what? The person you previously screwed is now the one who is interviewing you. Let me know how that works for you.


This brings me to the subject of satisfaction. Why not? Isn't that the reason we are spiteful? To gain satisfaction? The feeling of pleasure. Here is where the brain goes to war within itself. Through its many interactions with other parts of the brain, the hypothalamus helps regulate body temperature, hunger, thirst, sex, and other emotions. It responds to satisfying these needs by creating feelings of pleasure. ANOTHER GOOD ARTICLE.


Folks, we all want to feel satisfied. We want revenge. We want to get back at that person that did us wrong. Is there something wrong with you for having these feelings? No. There is not. They are normal feelings. What is wrong is how we react to those feelings. Especially when, in the long run, we may be hurting ourselves.


When you are angry, take a step back. Wait and think it through.


If that is NOT part of your plan. It should be, regardless of the circumstances. Another factor in all of this is jealousy. Some people are more jealous than others. Some people claim they are not jealous at all. I am not convinced that is true. Jealousy, often confused with envy, is part of the human condition. It all depends on what circumstances bring out those emotions. Everyone has different triggers. Things that will trigger these emotions. Just as everyone has different degrees of common sense and how and when they implement it, with that said, I do believe that everyone, regardless of who they are, has their limits. Those limits depend on the person and the circumstances.


Let's take myself as an example. I am a very calm man. I deal with common sense and let emotions in after I look at things logically. However, I know I have limits, and I know what they are. Therefore, I avoid situations that could provoke those limits. Part of the plan is knowing yourself and your limits. I've learned the best way to deal with those trying to annoy me is to be especially nice to them. Why? Because that will annoy them more when they realize whatever they are trying to do is not working. Therefore, I avoid the conflict and leave that conflict in their lap. I cannot control other people. They need to control themselves. They own that.


I will try talking to them and solving their problem when all else fails. However, I have also found that people must work that out for themselves. We must also understand that maybe, without realizing it, we may have done something to offend someone else. If so, we own that and need to correct it. In some cases, after all is said, done, and tried, the problem continues. Well, I say have a good life. I will not make someone else's issues mine., because there are times when other people may need professional help to work out their problems.


CAUSES:


Many of you reading this can write a book about this topic solely based on your own life experiences. However, what causes it to happen? Many factors cause these things to occur. The human condition is one cause. "The human condition can be defined as the characteristics and key events of human life, including birth, learning, emotion, aspiration, morality, conflict." Courtesy of Wikipedia. I stated earlier that we have all done this at one time or another because the human condition is in each of us. The only difference between people in this regard is those who have learned from it and those who have not.


Here is the big one. ENTITLEMENT. That feeling of having a right to something. Think about that. People who feel entitled to something do not have to do anything g to earn it. They think it is their right to have it. Entitlement is one of the most significant—issues in our society today. Let me let you in on a little secret. People are only entitled to what they worked for and earned—a massive problem in today's workforce. Entitlement leads to jealousy. A worker is jealous of another because of their position, knowledge, pay, or other issues. They are jealous because they feel they are entitled to it as well.


NOT THE CASE. Remember, for most people, it is easier to blame others rather than take blame themselves. I recently wrote a blog post about blame. Maybe that other person took the time to study and learn, gain experience, and did what it took to earn that position. Now, the person who has not should NOT feel entitled because maybe they did not do what it took to achieve that position. Perhaps they are too lazy to study, learn, and gain the knowledge required to be at the level of the other worker.


However, people who feel entitled will not blame themselves. They will blame others because, by their way of thinking, it is always someone else's fault.

These are the people that, when confronted, the first words out of their mouth are, "I'm Sorry." Allow me to tell you a secret about the word I'm Sorry. THEY ARE NOT A GET OUT OF JAIL FREE CARD. You still own responsibility for your actions. Furthermore, when used too often, the words I'm Sorry begin to have no meaning. They are NOT the end-all, cure-all.


This is not a new rodeo for people who feel entitled. You are not the first person in their crosshairs; believe it or not, it isn't personal. You just happen to be the one that has what they feel entitled to.


These individuals are pretty good at manipulating people and circumstances. They have a plan and have probably given much greater thought to theirs than you have to yours. As I stated a few sentences ago, the feeling of entitlement is a big problem in our society today. Much of this was caused as a result of the pandemic. So many got free money. In most cases, they earned more money staying home than going to work. I could never understand why our government would pay people more than when working. I am not saying that those workers whose businesses had to shut down should not collect unemployment benefits, but to bring home hundreds more a week than what they were earning and then tell them it's over and they have to go back to work and bring home less, didn't go over well. However, that's a different topic.


IN CLOSING:


It is all about understanding people and knowing and understanding ourselves. NO ONE IS PERFECT, and LIFE IS NOT PERFECT. Knowing ourselves and our limits is critical. The key stops us from being the person we do not want to be. Will we falter? Of course. We all will. After all, we are only human. However, we should always try to be better. Become better people. Easier to get along with and willing to learn. Survival is not about the fittest. It's about being more innovative, learning, growing, and becoming a better person, passing those values and lessons on to our children and grandchildren, and setting the proper example. Envy, entitlement, jealousy, revenge, spite, and other unpopular emotions and traits are not productive. They are anti-productive, and nothing good comes from them. I hope you enjoyed the post. Please subscribe to my blog. Thank you.


Please feel free to leave comments, or if you have a topic you would like me to discuss, you can email me at crondina@caesarrondinaauthor.com. Thank you.


Be safe, stay well, and focus on being happy. And remember to always:


Live with an open mind,

Live with an open heart,

Live your best life.


Best Regards,



Caesar Rondina


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