Excerpt from The Soup In Our Hearts .....

Our children are our greatest gifts. They aren’t a burden, but they are a great responsibility. Some couples that have had marital problems may have a child thinking that will bring them closer together and their marriage will survive. A question I’ve been asked my opinion about many times. There are a great deal of articles written on this topic, and I’m certainly not an expert, but can tell you my thoughts. A child can save a marriage depending on what the problems were to begin with. Children tend to make a couple communicate more because there is a common bond to the child. That often times will fix a communications problem the couple may have. We discussed that people can change things in their life if they want to, however with that said, there are behaviors that may be due to a chemical imbalance that if goes untreated, may never change on a permanent basis. In this case, is having a child going to fix that? Probably not. Therefore, having a child can help some marriages, and not others. That is a big gamble. A gamble that not only affects you, but the child as well. A child by the way, that did not pick you, you picked them. If those issues were never addressed, or addressed and failed, than the problem will still exist, and having a child will not make it better. It may put additional stress on a relationship.

I don’t believe that is a gamble that should be taken with another life. Especially a life that has no choice in the matter. Most studies agree on this point. A relationship should be strong, before a couple has a child. Issues resolved. So many calls I have been to and heard the comment, we were having problems, and never should have had kids. A child should not be an excuse or reason to make something work. A child should be something that will only bring joy and make that family bond stronger. I have a great deal of respect for people that can admit to each other and themselves, that they are selfish. They don’t want children. They want the ability to just live their lives and go with the flow of life and not have that responsibility. They have made the responsible decision because they know themselves, what they want, and what their goals are. Of course everyone will make their own decisions based on their perception. People always drag others into their issues. Let’s take the case of three couples that always socialized together. One couple decides to get a divorce. Friendships are lost because both people who got divorced expected the others to pick a side. If they do, no one talks, and the couple that are together begin to argue about who is right or who is wrong in the relationship where the divorce is happening. Is it best to not to get involved. Be supportive to your friends, but don’t choose sides. Too many friendships end that way. This is why at times, we are our worst enemies. We will do things that we know will cause issues amongst ourselves. When I was married, we had friends that got divorced. The first thing I did was agree with my wife we would not discuss their situation. It was their issue to work out, not ours. We could talk to whom we wanted, we just didn’t discuss it between us. There are always three sides to a story. One side, the other side, and somewhere in the middle is the truth. Each person tells their story as they perceive it, and they will sound right. You can hear both sides, and still not know the truth. Only they do, but aren’t going to admit it. Most tell a story and lean it towards the side that makes them look right. Where is the truth? Is finding something out that has no effect on your life, worth causing fights in your relationship? Think about that.

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