As we approach the end of 2017, reflect. Love is an interesting topic. You can read a lot about in my book being released in the Spring of 2018, MAKING PARTNERSHIP CHOICES. First, what is love? I like to put the dictionary definitions in so people can see how often so many time, the real world is much different.
LOVE - an intense feeling of deep affection. a person or thing that one loves, feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone).
What does that mean to you? Does it sum up your definition of love? To start, there are many types of love. Love for family, friends, pets, a job, your passions in life, romantic, sexual, and more. However, they all boil done to some simple concepts.
- There is no clear and finite definition of love, because people love differently. They show it in different ways. Some by actions, other by words, and many by both. Then there are those that just assume others know.
- Many relationships often fail because one or the other seeks that feeling of love they are not getting from someone, so they look for it somewhere else.
Remembering this is a blog and not a book. Let's summarize further. remember these two things.
Relationships don't die, people kill them.
Romance never ends, people end it.
Doesn't that make sense? The worst question someone can ask me is, "Do you love me?" If they're asking that questions it can be for two reason.
1. They're insecure
2. I'm doing something wrong and not showing it.
What is the common denominator here? "YOU." That's right, "YOU." Somewhere along the line, you either aren't seeing their insecurity and dealing with it, or you're not displaying your love properly so that see it. By the way, "YOU," can mean either person or persons.
Many people think that not forgetting an anniversary, a birthday, or getting a someone a nice gift at Christmas is showing love. If that's you, you are missing the boat big time. Love is not about gifts, but for some, that's how they show there love it. Much of how we as people show emotions, is based on the environment we were raised in. For the most part, if you were raised in a loving environment, you will most likely be a loving person. If not, it could go either way because you will either be a product of that environment, or try to achieve what you never had. This leads to emotional conflict, therefore a person just doesn't now what to do.
The bottom line is, you have to know and understand the people in your life, and determine if what they do to display their love for you is acceptable to you, or it's something where you both can make adjustments. In this case, no pun intended, "SILENCE IS NOT GOLDEN" It just breeds further insecurities. My father was a man of few words. opposite from my mother. She used to ask him, "Dominic, why don't you ever tell me you love me." His answer was, "I'm here aren't I? If I didn't love you, I wouldn't be here." You may or may not agree with that, but that was his way of showing my Mother he loved her. Her choice was whether or not that was acceptable and she could be comfortable with that. I assume she was because they were married 54 years before she passed away.
The question is, is there a right or wrong way to love? I think that answer is no. I think it's about people knowing the people that matter in their life. In closing, it is my opinion there is no definite definition of love. Love is an emotion, a feeling, a concept you can't define. You just know when you feel it. Now whether it's real or not, that you will have to buy my book mentioned above to find out. You either have it for someone or you don't. If you do, you are willing to do anything for it, and for them. Within reason of course. So if you have to sit down and write out a list of reasons why you love someone, you don't love them. If you have to pick apart another to determine if or why you love them, you don't. Friend of mine was dating a girl for about two years. She told him many times she loved him. He never reciprocated. Once when we were out as couples, this happened,. She blew up and asked him why he never says I love you back. To save an argument, he laughed it off. Later I asked him privately the same question because it didn't make sense to me. His answer was, "If could love her if she only ........" My issue was, he wasn't being honest to her. One day he was, they discussed, it wasn't acceptable, it ended.
Love has many levels as well. But the the most important element to love is ACCEPTANCE. You accept the person you "LOVE" for who and what they are. Their good points, as well as their bad ones. We all have both. These are some of what I feel are some important points. So if you have issues with this in your life, I strongly believe people need to be on the same page, and maybe, just maybe, the average divorce rate of first times marriages will decrease from 49%. Wouldn't that be nice. - CJR