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Secure or Insecure ... That is the question?

People will always blame others before they will blame themselves. Society uses the terms secure and insecure mostly as it applies to people. However, are they used correctly, or out of ignorance or an excuse for their own inadequacies? Remember the golden rule. In the process of doing this they will use whatever method or concept required to make their point and make them look right, or like the good guy. As I always do, let's first look at the "real" definitions.

Secure - fixed or fastened so as not to give way, become loose, or be lost.

Insecure - (of a person) not confident or assured; uncertain and anxious.

Many definitions are vague in their meaning and quite open to interpretation. For example. If some has a medical disorder such as anxiety, does that really mean they are an insecure person. In the real world terms, we call someone secure if they portray the traits of being confident, sure in their beliefs, values and decisions. DO NOT confuse someone who is secure and confident with being arrogant, vain, or conceited. There is a HUGE difference. Someone who is secure does not feel as if they need to prove it to anyone. You can tell the difference by how they act. However, someone that is insecure, will come down on themselves, be self-limiting, and second guess everything they do. Making decisions can often times be quite the challenge for them. Clearly this goes much deeper, but this covers what we need to know for this discussion.

This could bring up some very interesting topics. Topics such as; how will two people interact when they are the same type, or a different type? A person can be insecure but yet not let themselves be dominated by another. Insecurity does not mean they can't think or have emotions. Being secure or insecure starts at birth. Some portion is hereditary, innate behavior. The rest is learned or experienced. Learned behavior. Two strong parents will more often than not have secure children, however, those children will be much more difficult to handle as they grow. Not to drag this out, let's get to my point. People interpret someone they believe is insecure as a sign of weakness. Or someone who choose to resolve issues rather than fight about them. Look, I'm a problem solver. It's what I do, however, I'am as secure a person as they come. My father always said, never start a fight, but never walk away from one. I never have. But before it ever came to that, I would always try to resolve the issue. Many took that as a sign of weakness, and continued to push until my Italian button was depressed all the way. They learned quite quickly, I was not insecure.

Most people that are insecure are that way in just certain aspects of their life. For example, relationships. Someone who has a problem getting dates, or always being broken up with, doesn't think enough of their own appearance, may be insecure in a relationship, but be the best football player on the team. Before anyone becomes friends with anyone else, you first must know them. Their strong points as well as their weak ones. Decide what things are acceptable to you, and with ones are not. If the ones that are not acceptable are deal breaks, than your friendship or relationship will be volatile. NO ONE IS PERFECT. The only decision that needs to be made, is are the imperfections acceptable or not? A man or women could be the best think in bed secondary to the invention of light bulb. However, if they can't enjoy each other the rest of the time, is the sex enough? Leave the attitude at the door. Forget the great body and envy everyone shows you because you're with the hottest thing short of the face of the sun. That has a very short half-life and will get old soon.

The biggest problem society has is the lack of ability "TO OWN IT." If you screwed up, own it. Don't blame it on someone else to take the spot light off yourself. If you do, eventually, that door will come around and hit you on the ass sooner than you think. Let me give you a personal example. When I was on the fire department, I was dating a gal. We went through a period of a few weeks where a few guys were out on injury. Well, you don't run a shift short, or not put out fires. If someone doesn't take the overtime, someone gets ordered to stay. Public safety always comes first. During this period of time, I took some overtime, but also got order to work through as well. She stopped seeing me citing she had a change of heart and met someone else. Made no difference to me, I wasn't in love. She knew the situation and much of it was not under my control, and was only a temporary. As I ran into mutual friends who gave their condolences, which to me is a joke. Like did someone die or something? The reason she was telling people was she really liked me but didn't want to be with someone who worked so much. I had to laugh. I guess making it sound like it was my fault didn't make her look like the bad guy. After things got back to normal, she saw me out much more. One night at a club we used to go to she approached me and said, "Wow, your not working as much anymore." I told her you knew it was only until guys came back to work. She asked, "Why don't we get back together?" I laughed again and walked away. The perfect example of someone who couldn't own their own decision.

This as well as many other example are what affects someone being secure leads them to be insecure. If they are on the edge of the fence, things such as this will make them fall quickly to the other side. People need to get over themselves and start taking the responsibility they should for their own actions instead of pawning off their stupidity on others. In closing, before you "LABEL" someone as being secure or insecure, know the facts. Know them as a person. Someone's particular weakness in one area DOES NOT make them an insecure person. Whenever you're in doubt, remember this. Always be "OBJECTIVE," not "SUBJECTIVE." ...CJR

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