Confidence - Do others feel threatened by a confident person?

Caesar Rondina, Author | Public Speaker
Apr 28
7 min read

INTRODUCTION:

Greetings. This past week, I received an interesting email from a gentleman from the Midwest.. He described himself as a confident person. After reading his email, I would have to agree that he is, in fact, a confident individual. He is dealing with a situation in an organization to which he belongs. After reading his email, I noticed that the issue appears to revolve around the fact that some individuals feel threatened by his degree of confidence.

This is a common place problem in our society, especially in the workplace. I thought it would be an interesting topic to discuss. Please feel free to leave your comments and opinions. It is human nature for some people to be secure in themselves while others may be insecure. This could lead to someone displaying confidence or a lack of confidence. When this occurs, oftentimes, someone may feel emotionally threatened by others. This is more common than you realize. Let's look at why.

THE DIFFERENCE:

A confident person believes in their abilities and acts with assurance, while someone lacking confidence often experiences self-doubt and hesitates to take action.

However, don't confuse confidence with arrogance. Here is a good article to read. https://nbmbaa.org/confidence-vs-arrogance-understanding-the-subtle-difference/

Others often view a confident person as someone who thinks they are better than others. This may be true in some cases, but generally, most confident individuals do not feel better than others. A confident person often tries to help others. They view their knowledge or experience as an asset, not a threat. Let's look a bit deeper.

Confidence can be a double-edged sword. While it often inspires admiration and respect, it can occasionally evoke feelings of insecurity and vulnerability in others. Understanding why some individuals feel threatened by confident people requires looking at psychological, social, and emotional factors that shape our interactions and perceptions.

THE NATURE OF CONFIDENCE:

Confidence is a trait often admired and aspired to, as it can lead to success in various aspects of life, from personal relationships to professional endeavors. However, not everyone responds positively to a confident person. Many individuals may feel threatened by such a presence, leading to insecurity, jealousy, or even hostility.

Before delving into the reasons behind the threat perception, we must understand what confidence means. AS I stated earlier, confidence is believing in one's abilities, qualities, and judgment. While it can manifest as self-assurance, assertiveness, and decisiveness, it can also be interpreted in numerous ways depending on the observer's perception and personal experiences.

One primary reason people feel threatened by confident individuals stems from their insecurities. When they encounter someone who possesses a high level of confidence, it often triggers self-comparison. Those struggling with self-esteem may feel inadequate, fostering jealousy or defensiveness. This comparison can lead to a fear of inadequacy, wherein the confident person's self-assuredness highlights their perceived flaws.

Confidence can sometimes be perceived as arrogance or superiority. Individuals who feel insecure may interpret a confident person's self-assurance as a potential judgment of their capabilities or worth. Fear of evaluation—whether real or perceived—can lead to anxiety, making them feel threatened by the individual who exudes confidence.

In many social and professional settings, confidence can be perceived as a challenge to others. In competitive environments, whether in the workplace or social circles, confident individuals may evoke feelings of rivalry. The impending fear of being outperformed can lead to hostility, undermining the confident individual's contributions. This is very common in the workplace, especially with people on an equal level.

It is relatively easy to determine who is confident or insecure. Most confident individuals embrace one another and their ideas. They work as a team and collaborate better because they do not see one another as a threat. In contrast, the insecure person constantly challenges the confident person and voices their feelings to others, oftentimes, as it is referred to, behind their back to others. One common theme in every work environment is that people talk. There is no such thing as "don't say anything." This is anti-productive behavior and, if not dealt with swiftly and effectively, will cause many problems amongst the workforce.

In a group setting, a confident personality often takes center stage. This can create a power dynamic that makes others feel sidelined or diminished. People usually gravitate toward social hierarchies, and a confident person can disrupt the established order, leading others to feel threatened as they attempt to navigate their roles concerning this dominant figure. Different cultures have varying responses to confidence. In collectivist cultures, where group harmony and humility are prioritized, confidence can be viewed negatively. Thus, individuals may feel threatened by someone who exudes self-confidence, as it deviates from the cultural norms that emphasize modesty and cooperation.

Those around them may misinterpret a confident person's intentions. Confident individuals often assert themselves and express their opinions boldly, which can be misconstrued as aggression or assertion of dominance. This misunderstanding can exacerbate feelings of threat among peers.

The dynamics of how confidence is perceived can also vary based on gender. Societies' expectations often dictate how confidence should manifest in men versus women. While male confidence is frequently celebrated and equated with leadership, female confidence can sometimes be viewed as confrontational or overstepping bounds. Such gendered perceptions can lead to significantly different reactions, with women often facing backlash or threats from others when displaying confidence. Although this is gradually changing, in many cases, it still exists.

Everyone has experienced this at one time or another, or on one level or another. The critical part of understanding this is dealing with it and repairing it.

HOW DO WE NAVIGATE THE TREAT?:

We can accomplish this by taking several steps. However, first, we must be willing to address it. Those who suffer from a lack of self-esteem or insecurity will not be readily open to discussing it because they live in a state of denial. Self-reflection can help individuals understand the root of their feelings. By addressing personal insecurities or fears of judgment, they can better navigate their responses to confidence in others.

Viewing confidence as an asset rather than a threat can help reshape interactions. Recognizing that confidence can inspire and uplift rather than diminish others is crucial in fostering a healthier response. Working on one's self-esteem and confidence can lessen feelings of inadequacy. Engaging in self-improvement activities and celebrating personal achievements can create a more positive atmosphere where confidence in others is seen as motivation rather than intimidation.

As with any individual, some may never change. It is how they perceive others and themselves, and that's final. In the workplace, these people will eventually move on, or a confident person will get tired of dealing with the issues and move on. On the flip side, some people are confident and arrogant. Arrogance is a turn-off to others and fosters some problems. Being a confident individual in a society where many suffer from low self-esteem and self-worth is not easy. Especially if the environment involved is competitive, it will take work on everyone's part to resolve these issues. However, running from them is not the answer.

Trust is another factor. Trust in a workplace where gossip is the primary form of communication undermines trust. Many managers will introduce a team approach where everyone's input is valued. No one has all the answers, and the truth is that there are people who are better at things than others. Some people are better suited to perform different tasks than others. Not everyone is a computer wiz and can navigate computer programs' complexities. Some are better salespeople than others, and others have better organizational skills.

A good manager will utilize people in the areas they are best suited for, which allows them to feel a sense of accomplishment. There is no one fix. There is no pill to take to resolve these issues. It takes monitoring situations and guiding people properly, which will solve these issues. In the workplace environment, managers tend to act and not explain why. They speak to people individually instead of as a team.

In some cases, this is necessary. However, keeping a team approach is paramount. Unfortunately, ignoring a problem is easier than addressing and solving it.

IN CLOSING:

In conclusion, confidence and perception can be both a magnet and a source of discomfort for others. While a confident individual may exude charisma and draw people in, they often inadvertently trigger feelings of insecurity or competition among those around them. This phenomenon stems from the natural human tendency to compare oneself to others, leading to varied responses influenced by personal experiences, cultural backgrounds, and social contexts.

It's essential to recognize that the feelings evoked by a confident person are not universally negative; many people may find inspiration in their self-assuredness, using it as motivation to enhance their self-esteem and capabilities. However, those who feel threatened may perceive confidence as arrogance or superiority, which could foster resentment or defensiveness.

Understanding these two is key to navigating social interactions and relationships. Confident individuals can strive for awareness and empathy, tailoring their approach to foster inclusiveness rather than alienation. At the same time, those who struggle with feelings of inadequacy in the presence of confident peers might benefit from engaging in self-reflection and seeking constructive avenues for personal growth.

Fostering an environment where confidence is celebrated while being sensitive to its impact on others can lead to healthier, more productive relationships. By embracing open communication and shared experiences, we can redefine confidence as a quality that elevates not just individuals but the collective spirit of those around them, creating a culture where everyone feels empowered to shine.

Understanding these dynamics helps foster healthier relationships and encourages individuals to engage with confidence in a constructive manner. By developing one's self-confidence and reframing perceptions of others, society can embrace confidence more positively, creating an environment where everyone can thrive and feel a sense of accomplishment. A confident person can build up confidence in other individuals when appropriately framed. Living in society and going to work are individual events, but they are also team events. Every member of a family makes up the team. Every worker at work makes up the team. Therefore, when individuals succeed, the team succeeds.

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