Romance - Is It A Blessing Or A Curse?
Don't miss next weeks written blogpost. The topic is riveting and there are things you should know that will surprise you. The topic;
"Why Aren't Our Leaders Listening? Parties In Conflict."
Introduction:
Greetings to all and I hope everyone had an enjoyable memorial day. So many men and women in all branches of our armed forces lost their lives to protect our freedom. It is fitting that we honor them on this day and never forget those still serving in our great country's military. On a final note, I have received emails asking me when my new Private Investigators Series will be released. At the present time, there are other possible options for it that we are pursuing. In addition, much of book marketing is done through personal appearances, which has not totally ramped back up yet due to the pandemic. However, it will be coming in some form.
Tonight's requested topic has been sitting on my calendar waiting for me to write about it. After receiving a third request from the same person, I chose to write about this tonight. Romance - Is It A Blessing Or A Curse?"
By definition, romance is a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love or quality or feeling of mystery, excitement, and remoteness from everyday life. The difference is only in what content we use the word. The content we are talking about tonight is romance in the sense of a relationship.
WHAT IS ROMANCE?
Romance is a part of a relationship between two people. When we refer to romance in a relationship, we refer to romantic things one partner does for another. Such as sending flowers, going out to dinner, or walking on the beach on a beautiful moonlit night. It can also be as simple as a card, opening up a car door, or just giving someone a hug. Romance can come in many forms. Holding hands, cuddling on a couch, and more. Basically, being romantic and showing romance is letting your partner know you care about them. It can also be as simple as showing respect and paying attention to them. Everyone displays romance in their own way. The trick is for the other partner to recognize it and not expect more than what the other can give.
Everything I am talking about tonight is discussed in greater detail and more in my book "Making Partnership Choices." This is a complex topic for many to understand. Therefore, my following tutorial on Udemy.com is titled "Relationships - How To Build And Sustain Them."
One might think that romance is easy to have, and does not require much thought. After all, shouldn't;t come naturally? However, let's NOT confuse romance with sex. They are two different things, although one can drive the other. So people are not romantic by nature. Therefore, if they are partnered with someone romantic, they have to consciously work on it because being romantic doesn't come naturally.
This is not gendered specific and applies to all genders of partners. A certain degree of romance derives from what individual experiences by observing others as they are growing up. As children, we learn a great deal through association and observation.
Someone from a broken family where not much romance was displayed or from parents who were not romantic, has a higher risk of struggling with being romantic when they get older.
As teenagers, we all go that extra mile to get that person to take notice of us. However, once we have what we seek, we tend to stop. My father used to say, referring g to relationships, "Never start doing anything you don't want to do the rest of your life."
This is the main reason one partner says to the other, "You've changed. You don't do the things for me you used to." It is a given that over time together, some things do change. Let's face it, when you first started dating, you could share enough intimacy between you both. Over time, that settles down. That is a normal progression of things and for many good reasons. Work, children, getting older, etc. However, romance is basic and straightforward. It doesn't take much to keep it alive in a relationship.
Romance is a thought, a concept, one that goes on forever. Hence, it never dies. Remember the quote from my book "Making Partnership Choices."
"Romance doesn't die. People kill it."
IS ROMANCE A CURSE OR A BLESSING?
There is no right or wrong answer to that question because it can be both. If two people are opposite, meaning one is romantic and the other is not, it can be a curse. If both people are or are not romantic, meaning they are the same, then it is a blessing.
With that said, very few people as a couple are exactly the same in the real world. If everyone were, life would be boring. In many cases, people who were not romantic when they were younger grew to be as they got older, and visa-versa. What a dilemma, but a serious one because this can and in most cases will lead to problems over time. Every relationship must have the basics. Trust, honesty, loyalty, devotion, and strong communications. Lacking one or more of these things will always lead to problems. Maybe even eventually cause a breakup. The data doesn't lie.
48% of first marriages fail in the first year. Second and third marriages are not much better. There are many reasons outside the realm of the post that causes this. It is all in my book. This book has well over 800 hours of research time and took almost a year to write. To say it is pretty extensive would be an understatement.
In my opinion, communication is the most essential factor in any relationship and can be pretty romantic. Problems are more easily solved when addressed before they get out of hand. As I stated, not every couple will be 100% alike. The key is finding the happy medium and not stopping what you started. We have all done it and are all guilty as charged. If every person were perfect and every relationship the best, they would never end in breakups and divorce. Unfortunately, we all know that is not the case.
I learned quite a bit between my education, 2 years of study to become a paramedic, over 200 hours with marriage counselors, and over 200 hours sitting in divorce courts. I am a single and divorced man, not only for research for my book and caring for over 76,000 people in my medical career, which many of those calls were related to domestic issues. So I wanted to know what went wrong in my case so I could be a better person. I learned two important things.
When approached with a problem, people become defensive and usually think they are right.
They either cannot communicate or cannot communicate with an open mind.
When a relationship fails, I've learned that the majority of them could have been saved if the problems were addressed when they occurred, rather than letting them build up. I also learned that most times, infidelity results from something missing in the relationship. Of course, there are those who have a mental sexual disorder and require different needs, but the vast majority of times it's the lost romance. Through infidelity, people get back a feeling of newness and excitement. The same newness and excitement they once had with their partner.
The only logical conclusion is that romance can be a blessing or a curse, depending on how two people handle it. We live in a society where many accepted things were not easily accepted years ago. Therefore, everything is disposable. It takes little effort to dispose of something and replace it, but a great deal of effort to fix it and keep it. Of course, not all things are fixable. Anything that has gotten too far out of hand may not be repairable. So the question is, why did it get that far in the first place. Why is it we all put our best foot forward in the beginning and then allow it to lag behind as time goes by? Why do we become complacent? Why do we forget what the essential things in life are? All of those questions are for another post, or you can get a copy of my book Making Partnership Choices to find all the answers and a great deal more.
IN CLOSING:
Romance is a critical factor in every relationship except when neither party requires or desires it. Life gets busy. Finances get difficult. The kids get on our nerves when we are tired after work. Sex and intimacy seem to be the first things that suffer as we fall into the day-to-day trap of just trying to live and survive. Over time we forget what the critical issues are. The one night a week date night. Your alone and quality time. When you were first dating, you went your separate ways and lived your own lives as you chose to at the end of the night. You didn't have anyone to answer to. After all, you were just dating. When you combine two individual lives into one life, the dynamics change. The responsibilities change.
I always tried to follow the concept that two people should be as independent of one another as they are dependent on one another other.
Each person needs their own time and space. Let's call it their "me" time. The human mind must have some down time to process life and all that is ging on in their life. Without it, the mind seeks a means of escape. That can come in the form of disassociation from another or life itself, or finding what they need in another. I will leave you with these thoughts.
1. Never let things build up to the point of exploding,
2. Be able to or find a way to have open and honest communications with your partner,
3. Never stop doing the things for one another you used to,
4. No matter what, make quality time for yourself, and each other as a couple,
5. Never forget that the grass may look greener somewhere else, but when you get there, you still have to mow the lawn.
Stay safe, be happy, and be well,
Caesar Rondina
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