How Do You Justify What You Do?
Hello everyone. The topic of justification of actions came as a request from Nancy from Arizona. Thank you Nancy for the suggestion.
This is a good topic because we all try to justify what we do. The real question is why? How many times have you said to some, "Skip the bullshit and just tell me why you did that." You may have said it differently, but it all means the same. Have you ever thought why so many people do the same thing or a variation of it? Did they learn this feat of magic from others? Is it a self-preservation act? Or, is it just human nature? The answer is yes to all. It is all those things. Here is the link to a great article on this.
WE ARE ONLY Human:
First, one of the most common traits in people is, WE ALWAYS HAVE TO FEEL WE ARE RIGHT, AND WANT TO PROVE IT. The vast majority of people exhibit some degree of being controlling. However, the areas of control may vary by individual. Whenever an individual feels threatened, they go on the offensive, which in reality, is actually the defensive. They are determined to prove they are right, at any cost. They do this by attempting to JUSTIFY what they did or said. As the article pointed out, it is also due to feelings of guilt because they know they were wrong, or, they are simply insecure and feel the need to explain everything. Sometimes, to the smallest detail. That aggravates me. Many times, as a variation of control, they want to lead the conversation where they want it to go in the hopes they will cause the other person mind to get off the original topic. This is a different form of deflection, rather, is it manipulation. Why can't people stick to the topic at hand?
The reality is, many times it is not deliberate. In everyone's nervous system there is a fight or flight mechanism. Depending on which element is stronger, will many times be the path someone takes. Therefore, their reactions are involuntary. However, no matter the reason, it causes problems, and sometimes serious ones. Relationships, marriages, and friendship have end over these actions. Ultimately, we have control over ourselves. What we need to do as individuals is to recognize and ACCEPT our weaknesses. Once we can do that, we can address them and repair them. The desire to do so MUST be there. No matter what is at stake, no matter how much you love someone, you can't change them. Yes, you can help and support them, only if they want help and accept it. That sounds easy said than done, and it is. It takes a great degree of caring, patience, and desire on someone part to achieve this. But how?
REPAIR AND PREVENTION:
To fix anything that is broken, a person must admit it is broken. Often times the road to repair is hampered by how people try to help. Being condescending to someone will never open their mind. It will only make the problem worse. Did you ever hear the phrase, "I will screw you, and you won't even know it because you will have a smile on your face." Believe it or not, that is far more truthful than you think. When you are going to point out a false in another, it MUST be constructive, not insulting. Sometimes is you are to blunt, you instigate the problem you are trying to fix. This is where patience comes in to play, and it takes a great deal of practice. Many times you may be faced with a situation where someone does not get what you are trying to say. Another human trait we all share is knowing what we mean, but not expressing it in a way the other person will get it. Becoming to wordy in your explanation takes the other persons mind off the track. Keep it simple, and know what you are trying to say. Remember, slow is smooth, and smooth is fast.
Assuming you are making your point, and the other person understands it, now it is time to practice prevention. That is accomplished in many ways. The two most common are, defusing a situation before it escalates, and pointing out to the other that they are letting themselves go off track again. STAY FOCUSED and HAVE PATIENCE. Remember, you too have that same fight or flight mechanism to deal with. Therefore, you may have to set the boundaries for the both of you, not just yourself.
Any learned or inherited behaviors can be relearned. Bad habits can always be turned into good habits. The key is to decrease the frustration to a minimum. In the workplace this is much more difficult because the employee does not feel comfortable stating the real truth about what is on their mind. Also, many which are called "managers, or supervisors," have had little to no training when it comes to dealing with their staff. There are more poor managers in the workforce than there are good managers. Mostly because the people they report to are not much better, and they fear for their jobs as well. Remember this:
NO COMPANY EVER HAD AN EFFECTIVE WORKFORCE BASED ON PLACING FEAR OF LOSING THEIR JOBS TO THEIR EMPLOYEES. The work force issue can be a post for another time.
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