The Drama Of Decisions - is there really drama, or do we cause it?
What is drama? Drama is an exciting, emotional, or unexpected series of events or set of circumstances. (Google.com) However, it's not that simple, but only if it were. There are different types of drama, and these break down into different sub-categories. However, for the purpose of this blog, I am referring to the basics of Emotional, physical, mental drama. The real question is, how much of this is real and how much of this do we cause? Meaning, what we bring upon ourselves. So let's get started.
TYPES OF PEOPLE:
We live in a diverse society of different people. There are those that do not like drama, those that live for it, so much so, that if they do not have drama in their life, they will actually cause some, those that can handle drama, and those that simply will not allow drama in their life. Then we have the most difficult person to deal with. The one that unintentionally causes drama in their life because they fail to see they are doing it. An example of this type of person is the individual that knows what they want, knows what is right and wrong for themselves, yet, they will ALWAYS struggle with decisions because they believe that everything they do, regardless of what they want for themselves, has to be determined by those around them. This type of individual will always have what I refer to as self-induced drama in their lives. In one sense, they can be compared to a martyr, because historically, although there are many different interpretations of what a matter is, in this case, I am referring to an individual who unintentionally displays or exaggerates their discomfort or distress in order to gain sympathy or admiration because they believe they have to sacrifice whatever they want for the needs of others rather than address the reality of the situation and make others responsible for the choices they make. As I stated, that type of person will NEVER be happy and ALWAYS have self-induced drama in their life.
Look, we all have moments when we put the needs of others before our own. Especially in the case of our children. This often happens in the case of a divorce. Where people stay together for the sake of the children. Almost every study I have read has found that this is never the right choice because, in theory, the children will always sense the tension in the home and could lead to an abnormal upbringing. In fact, in any divorce, and the legal system has now implemented things to assist in proper and shared parenting. What is best for the children. Because any good parent, regardless of a divorce situation should ALWAYS have the best interest of their children in mind. I have always said I am not afraid to talk about my life and my life experiences. That is how I have learned a great deal, and how I can hopefully help others.
When the mother of my three children and I got divorced, after 25 years of marriage, at best, it was messy. However, never once did we not agree and make choices that were in the best interest of our children. The interesting part was, we should have gotten divorced many years sooner but decided we would stay together for the kids. When they were older, we proceeded with our divorce. Yes, we had to go to divorced parenting classes. That was mandatory in our state at the time. What was interesting was, after the divorce, our three children told us both that they were glad we did it because they always knew things were not right and they did not feel happy at home. During this process, over the years, we made a conscious effort to never argue in front of the children. The reality is, that make work some of the time, but never all of the time. Therefore, they sensed the lack of happiness within the home. In my year of clinical rotations with psychologists, it was a story I heard many times. So yes, the drama does affect even children. Fortunately, we were great parents after the divorce and our children did just fine. Actually, I believe everyone's quality time was better.
THE DRAMA OF DECISIONS:
As I stated earlier, drama comes in different forms and handled
differently by each person. Usually, the drama is not, unless the person causes it to be, not in the decision-making process. That part is usually straightforward. The drama comes from the result of the decision, which at times, and actually most times, is unavoidable. With that said, most people allow the decision-making process to be dramatic. Think about this for a moment. If you break anything decision down you need to make, it's a simple matter of whether you want to,m or not want to do something. That is the easiest part. The drama comes with the consequences of your choice. Most people who allow drama to enter the decision-making process come from FEAR. Sure, you basic day-to-day decisions that we all make are basic. However, others, not so much. Other decisions we make may have a secondary component to them. FOLLOW THROUGH. That is what people fear. The follow-through process. You could read hundreds of articles on fear, and they will all tell you the same thing. The only way to overcome a fear is to face that fear. Once you face it and overcome it, the process is no longer frightening and just becomes a process.
The reward is, like any process that starts, it will have an end, and in the majority of cases, the drama associated with that process will also end. The problem begins when an individual has fear and now allows the drama portion to enter the decision-making process. The result is, they become unable to make the decision. Regardless of anything you need to decide in life, you must first make the decision. The other problem with drama is outside influences. Meaning, family, friends, co-workers, or anyone else you allow into your decision-making process. There is an old saying, opinions are like rear ends, everyone has one. Therefore, when this occurs, you allow the other person's drama to become a part of yours, now making the circumstances even more complicated. I always had the mindset that everyone's situation is different. No one can say to me I know how you feel. No one can, because they are not living in my particular situation, and everyone reacts differently.
If you have ever been divorced, how many times did you hear from others, I would do this, I would do that, or you can get this, and you can get that. What the best part is, everyone had the best lawyer. Therefore you see, all their drama has now become yours. Why because you allowed it to. Most of the time, people do have the best of intentions, however, there are people that strive on other people's drama. Don't you think you have enough drama so you should not allow others to either gloat on yours, o make yours worse?
We all must be realistic. All any fo us we can do is try to control the drama, but no one is immune to it. For me, I will not allow drama into my life. I will deal with my own drama in my own way. I will fear any consequences of my choices I will simply deal with them because I know through life's experience, it has an end. The term, "that will never happen to me" is an excuse to face reality. Think about it, if things didn't happen to people, those issues would not exist, so what the heck makes you think you're immune to it? You are correct. You are not. Being realistic means you need to face it, face your fear, know the consequences, and be prepared for them. Anything short of that, you are only making excuses and kidding yourself.
WHEN YOU DO THAT, YOU ARE THE CAUSE OF OR CAUSING YOUR OWN DRAMA.
So yes, the answer to the question can you cause or be the cause of your own drama, the answer without any doubt is YES. What is worse, when this occurs, you are stuck on a merry-go-round. A self-momentum engine that just feeds into itself and continues to escalate until now you feel stuck. But are you? In most cases, you are not. It's only how you view the situation because of the drama you caused or allowed others to cause and enter the situation.
Being realistic is sometimes very difficult because most people do not want to face the truth about any given situation. Therefore, to get off on the right foot, you need to accept the reality of your situation first before you can come up with solutions or make an informed choice. However, you must always remember:
YOU CAN NEVER BE GOOD FOR OTHERS UNTIL YOU ARE FIRST GOOD TO YOURSELF.
This is all part of facing reality, and most times, the reality is hurtful and painful. Like the truth, regardless of emotions, reality is reality, and the truth is always the truth. We may fear or not like the solution, but there always is one. I also must add, there are times you need to know when you need assistance. Sometimes talking with a professional health care provider is required. Often times we can be so close to the problem, we cannot see it through unbiased eyes. Some people like myself, have the ability to step out of the box and look at the problem realistically. Others do not. Also, some people do not have the ability to see things through the eyes of others. At times, I have taken a step back and said, to myself, if a friend can to me with this exact situation, what would I tell them? Certainly not in all cases, but most times, the advice you would give a friend is the advice you should take yourself. The reason being, because you have no emotional attachment to your friend's situation like you do to your own because some people cannot remove the emotional portion from their situation and look at it realistically.
None of us can avoid drama. We can only control how much we will allow, how we will let it affect us, and whether will let it influence the choices we need to make. Some choices in life you can take back or reverse. Others, not so much, so we need to be sure about the choice we make and why we are making it. Once we are, then we need to start the process, because until we do, the situation will not change, and the process will never end. It will haunt you each and every day of your life and you will be riding a roller coaster on a daily basis.
Now, with all of this said, the choices are yours how you choose to live, and far be it from me or anyone else to tell you something different. However, happiness comes with a price. Peace of mind comes with a price. Anything good in life comes with a price, and life is short and we only get one pass at it. You won't be 20, 30, or 40 years old forever. As a health care professional for well over 30 years, if I had one penny for every time someone said to me, "I should have made better choices," as I was rushing them to the hospital, I would be a millionaire. Choices are something we will all need to make many times throughout our lives. The trick is, to make the right choice the first time, and decrease the possibilities of making the wrong choice as much as possible. If I had a penny for every time I heard one person in a couples counseling session say, "I will change," and never did, I would be a multi-millionaire. This does not mean these things cannot happen, they most certainly can, but change requires some things.
1. First admitting you need to change.
2. Having a sincere desire to change.
3. Being committed to change.
One of those three is not enough, and sadly, very few people have all three. Those people are rare because people are creatures of habit, and some behaviors are innate, meaning, hardwired into their DNA. So you see, drama is evil, drama rarely results in a positive outcome, and drama usually causes more harm than good. That is reality, and that is truth.
Stay safe and be well. Thank you.
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