Who Wins In The End? - A self-help topic. Are there ever winners?
I receive many emails from folks that are disappointed because they feel as if they lost. Lost getting a raise, a promotion, that other person they were trying to win over, and many other things. This post is for you.
Two words. WINNERS, LOSERS. Both have different meanings, which can vary depending on many circumstances. However, these two words have a great impact on people's lives. I can and does have a positive or negative effect. We all know anything positive is good, and anything negative is usually not so good. As long as that scale, at least in your eyes, is balanced, you do ok. If it tips too much towards the positive, you might tend to drop your guard and take things for granted. If it tips too much to the negative, you become too guarded, which could eventually lead to clinical depression or worse. We have all had our ups and downs, so you know what I am telling you is true. However, how to avoid that scale completely? Can we?
If I were to say to you to STOP looking at things in your life or you as a person as winning or losing, what would you say? You would probably tell me I'm crazy because everyone wants to win or be perceived as a winner. Life is NOT a sports game. It is NOT decided by who has the higher score. In fact, sometimes, the person with the lower score turns out to be the winner. Let me give you an example. How many times have you gone after a promotion at work and did not get the job? A few weeks later, you hear the person who got the job saying, I wish I never took this job. It's salary, more money, but I'm working so many hours I'm actually losing money.
Not all things that are coated with sugar wind up tasting sweet. However, I said earlier and highlighted, "or be what is perceived as a winner." So, let's see if we can fix perception.
PERCEPTION OF A WINNER OR LOSER:
If you fall into what is considered a generally normal person, you care what you think about yourself, and you care about what others think about you. That is perception. How others perceive you, and how you perceive yourself. Oftentimes, and in most cases, they are different. Mainly because we don't see ourselves as others see us. People will perceive you by how you act, what you say, how you dress, and how you present yourself. These people are easy to fool because we control how we want them to perceive us. Therefore, this is why most people will show the best side of themselves, at least in public. A good example of this is when you find out something about someone. If they got arrested, if they were seen in a bad situation. What is the first thing you and others think? "I didn't know they were like that. They are so nice at work."
Therefore, the perception you have of them, which by the way, is the perception they wanted you to have, is completely false. So I ask you, are they a winner or loser?
This is not limited to our personal lives, and it does NOT just affect you and me. How about those in the public eye? Politicians, entertainers, athletes, and more. However, no matter who we are referring to, we judge others as winners or losers, and we judge ourselves the same way. If we got what we wanted, we won. If not, we lost. There is a place in life where winning and losing are a fact of life with all this said. Sports are a perfect example. Both teams can't win the game, no matter who your favorite team is. However, just being in the position to be able to play the game makes both teams winners. Do you seem on the concept of winning and losing has now changed?
WHAT ABOUT YOUR LIFE?
We all see it in people that are in the public eye. Andrew Cuomo is a good example. He intended to win the battle, NOT to resign at any cost until he finally saw resigning as the only way. I am sure that was the legal advice given to him. But, unfortunately, so many people in a position of power let it go to their heads and think they can do whatever they wish. He is just one example.
If you place a high value on winning or losing because you are a competitive person, that's fine as long as you can place it into proper perspective and not let the two words rule your life and cause you to do stupid or unacceptable things or unacceptable behavior. However, very few people who are that competitive can do that. Mainly because winning has become an obsession for them, and they will try to win at any cost. I asked you earlier; what would you say if I were to say to you to STOP looking at things in your life or you as a person as winning or losing?
Here is how you do it. We are conditioned not to worry about the little battles in life. We are conditioned to worry about winning the war. Of course, this is a figure of speech as a reference point for this discussion. However, it has truth to it. A coach who has lost a game tells their team that they just lost, not to worry, we will win next time, or get them next time. What is that coach doing? The coach is trying to diminish the loss, create a positive atmosphere, and set a goal to reach.
When it comes to your life, the reality is there are things you cannot win at. You may not have the resources to win. I hate to use this example, but it does fit the narrative. No army ever wins a battle by putting 50 soldiers on the battlefield against 500. However, give them air and sea support, and you have a different outcome. WHY? Because they now have resources.
Therefore, when it comes to your life. BE REALISTIC. There is nothing wrong with setting the bar high. JUST BE REALISTIC. Forget the winning and losing mentality and look at things as SETTING GOALS.
Goals that you know with some hard work you can reach because you have the RESOURCES available to reach them. Nothing good in life comes easy. It takes work, sacrifice, and dedication. Those are the first resources you must have, and that is most of the battle. The next step is forming your plan and having patience. Once you have this established, unless something hits you out of nowhere, which life sometimes does, you will reach your goals. Therefore, it's no longer a case of winning or losing.
I empathized taking a realistic approach and setting realistic goals. I will use myself as an example. I love boating. It is my passion. If I could buy a 100' yacht, I would buy it in a heartbeat. However, brand new, fully equipped, these are 17 million dollar vessels. You see, our wants are always greater than our needs. Wanting more is fine as long as you are realistic. By not being realistic, you set yourself up to not reach your goal. Notice I did not say or use the word fail.
The words fail, and failure or losing, and loser are all demeaning words that knock the wind out of your sails of confidence. Therefore, ask yourself. Why would you want to do that? Changing your mindset from achieving goals rather than being a winner or a loser is a matter of your perception of the words.
But then, you can also look at it this way if you are hung up on the word winner. By changing your mentality to setting realistic goals that you have the resources to achieve, didn't you, in fact, win? Your outlook to achieve your goals must always be positive, even if you have some setbacks. Take me, for example. Me moving was supposed to happen almost two years ago, then life dealt us all the pandemic. I believe we can all agree the pandemic was a major setback for everyone. However, it was my goal. I did not look at it as failing. I looked at it realistically for what it was—a delay in reaching my goal. Remember, patience is part of your plan. I was patient. Rode the rough waters, and now I have moved. I reached my goal.
I hope I have provided you with a different way of looking at winning and losing in your life, and I certainly hope it helps you. I know it works because 20 or 30 years ago, I thought like many of you think today. I had my setbacks and learned the hard way that life is not about winning or losing. Instead, it's about setting realistic goals and meeting them. That is where you will find your satisfaction, confidence, and stability in life.
Stay Safe and be well,
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