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Why Do You Lose Your Patience? - A self-help topic we can all benefit from.





INTRODUCTION:


Let me start by saying everyone has a limit to their degree of patience. The only difference between you and someone else is how long it takes you to lose your patience. However, at some point, everyone will. It's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when.


PATIENCE:


Patience is defined as the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.

(Courtesy of Google Dictionary) However, patience is a skill. A skill that everyone can learn. We all know people that have more patience than others, including ourselves. We also all know people that are less patient than others, including ourselves. The science is not totally clear as to whether having patience, or a lack of patience is genetic. Meaning, you inherit it from your parents. Most believe it is more of a human trait. A learned behavior, rather than an innate behavior. This means if it is a learned behavior, you learned it by watching others, your environment, how you live your life, or your experiences. versus innate behavior which is something that is hard-wired into your DNA from birth. If that were the case, then each person would be born either having patience or not having patience.


There are different degrees of patience that people experience. Also, a person can have more patience in one area of their life versus another. How many times have you been told are heard someone being told, you/they have more patience with the kids than I do. Or, you have more patience in traffic than I do.

There are some areas where a lack of patience is benign. Meaning, it really does not cause you or anyone else any harm. Like with all things in life, there is also a flip side to that coin. There are some areas of life where if someone loses their patience, and especially if they have other behavioral issues, it can lead to you harming yourself, or others. Road rage is an example. Losing your patience in an argument that results in some form of violence due to the lack of patience escalating to anger, which causes harm to others is another example. However, we do know that most causes of loss or decreased degree of patience have a relationship to time. A good example of this might be if you are having a conversation with your significant other. The conversation goes on and on and on. The other person keeps repeating the same things over and over again. You start to lose your patience because you view all this repetition as a waste of your time. You now ask the other person, why do you keep repeating what you've already told me? Do you like I'm stupid or don't hear you? In almost every case, the other person is now put on the defensive and strikes back with their own comments which usually have no either intentional or not intentional form of an insult attached to their reply. The result now escalates to anger and an argument will almost always follow.


There are some people that can only deal with a problem for so long and then begin to lose their patience. Rather than walk away and come back to it later, they continue, and this escalates to frustration. Now solving the problem becomes a matter of principle. They refuse to give up at the time. They insist they can figure it out. However, once the loss of patience escalates to frustration, you lose your focus. This will lead to increased frustration. You keep trying, and no matter what you do, you can't figure it out. Many times this is a result of trying to accomplish a task you are not good at, but you refuse to let someone else do it, or ask for help. There lies your recipe for disaster. Because now, you escalate to anger.



Yes. You lost it. Your anger has now taken control.

It owns you. No one can talk to you, no one can help you, and you lose your shit! Oh, and by the way. This is NOT gendered specific. Women, as well as men, suffer from this mysterious thing that has just taken over our mind, body, and soul. Relief only comes when we have released our frustrations and anger. How many cell phones do you think have been smashed against the wall in the period of a year? A good friend of mine had a teenage daughter who used to lose her temper when she became frustrated or angry. In one summer she destroyed four, mind you, four, cell phones out of anger. My friend replaced each one. Now it's not my place to judge what others do as they raise their children. However, I might let it slide once. The second time, my child would not have a cell phone until they could afford to buy their own. So you see, his actions only enabled her behavior until destroying things when she got angry became her learned behavior. SO I believe by now you have gotten my point.


HOW CAN WE FIX THIS DISEASE WE ALL SUFFER FROM?


Can it be fixed is the real question, and the answer is YES! Before I became a PAramedic and a Firefighter, I have very little patience. Yes, this caused me some problems growing up. The of which was I expected that everyone had the same sense of urgency I had. Meaning, if something needed to get done, DO IT NOW. When others did not, because they were just being themselves, I would lose my patience with them. Another issue for me was, when I want it, I want it NOW! Therefore, this led me to have higher debt at a young age than most. Fortunately for me, I was very active and always worked two jobs so I was able to handle the debt. So many cannot. However, as I matured, like many, I got tired of having debt. I am not referring to a car payment or mortgage payment, I'm referring to credit card debt. At one point when I was younger I had almost $60,000 in credit card debt, yet, never missed a payment. All because of my two learned behaviors. My parents never procrastinated. If something needed doing, it got done ASAP. That's where I learned that behavior. I am not knocking my parents. That was their way, they were both the same way, and it worked for them. <