Why Isn't Your Relationship Working? - Do you think you have all the answers?
I received so many requests to talk about this topic, which is my #1 requested topic. However, it's not for everyone, but everyone can get something out of it. I find it amazing how many people think that because many of us discuss these topics, they believe we have relationships. If I'm not the first to tell you, then let me be the first to tell you that is the farthest thing from the truth. Over the years, I have had failed relationships, regardless of what I have experienced and what I learned through my education and research. Why is it? Well, to be blunt, no matter how much anyone knows or thinks they know, a successful relationship takes two people. No relationship can be successful if only one person has a stake in its success.
In my book "Making Partnership Choices," I go into this topic in great detail. It is available at all major online bookstores.
Frankly, no two people enter a relationship with the intention it is no going to work, and we all know that in the beginning, everything is sunshine and roses. The excitement, the butterflies, the anticipation, and all that goes along with it are present and large as life. In the beginning. So, what happens? I love to quote my father because he was a wise man and was usually correct. He used to say, "Don't start doing something you aren't prepared to do the rest of your life." Oh boy. How true that is. However, it all gets down to basics. The basics of what a relationship is. Once you lose or forget the basics, you have created a recipe for disaster. Maybe that is one of the reasons 48% of first-time marriages end in divorce in the first year? So many think and say being in a relationship should not change your life. Guess what? You possibly just learned the first myth.
Let look at a summary of the basics of a relationship, meaning, why do people enter into a relationship?
The most common are, but not necessarily in that order,
Filling a void in our life,
Having someone to share experiences with
Form a family
Now there are certainly many more, but this is only a blog post, not a book. Let's look at an example. If you entered a relationship for any of the above reasons, and those reasons are being fulfilled, and one day or overtime, it stops, what do you think the result might be? We also must understand that anything in life that starts then stops may have a good reason behind it. Therefore, that is a factor to consider before you call your relationship failed.
Remember earlier I said, in the beginning, everything is sunshine and roses? It is true. In the beginning, everyone puts their best foot forward. Tries to impress the other. In today's society, people are a bit more natural, meaning they tend to be more of themselves right from the start. For example, if they aren't fancy dressers, they might not look like the couple on the right on the first date or any date for that matter. For me, I tend to be myself.
I enjoy and take great pride in dressing neatly and appropriately comfortable, but I can certainly dress the part when I need to. I follow a smile rule, which is, this I me. It either works for you, or it doesn't. By no means is that meant in a demeaning manner. I am just being myself and thoroughly explain that first when I meet someone. You would be surprised how many people appreciate that because unless it's a special occasion, they like to dress comfortably. Therefore, for me, one of my basics is to be myself. There is no point in presenting myself differently from the start when I know six months later. I'm going to be who I am. I start that way.
So when it comes to the basics, the basics that work for you, you MUST know what you want and what you are looking for in a relationship. You also need to, at some point, make that clear to the other person. No, not on the first date or conversation, but once you feel somewhat comfortable talking, better to get it out of the way and save a great deal of time if you both are not on the same page. AS people, we are motivated by our needs. This is why we seek out others to be a part of our life. Very few people want to feel empty and be alone or isolated. Know what the basics are for you.
More importantly, know what the basics are for your partner. And by the way, this applies to all genders and same-sex relationships, so don't let the pictures make you feel it's limited to a man and woman partnership.
You can see it on the right. It applies to everyone. We live in a world of diversity, and many things which should have been accepted years ago that were not, now are. This is not a debate about your beliefs. Frankly, they are yours, and you have a right to them, and I don't particularly care what they are. My blog posts are diversified and non-biased, and when it comes to relationships, it's not about gender. It's about the basics. Plus, being the writer and the author, I can post any pictures I want. Just saying. One of the things our society is slowly moving away from is being judgemental. Frankly, I am a bit too slow for my taste because I believe in personal choice, as long as it is legal and not breaking any laws. Everyone has the right to choose how they want to live and be happy.