Where Do You Draw The Line?
This post is a requested topic from someone who viewed my video blog post last Monday evening. I was very happy to see the number of views it received because I felt it was an important topic to address. Thank you Tony from Wisconsin for the request. Anyone who would like to see me discuss a topic, please feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. You can also select the CONTACT tab from the main menu.
Although we may not consciously think about it, subconsciously, everything has boundaries, or limits. In reality they are one in the same, it is just user preference as to which term people will use. The questions are, WHERE DO YOU DRAW THE LINE, and DO YOU ALWAYS STAND FAST TO YOUR BOUNDARIES OR LIMITS. With any rule, there is always exceptions. Do you know when the proper time is to exercise those exceptions? Anything we do on a regular basis easily becomes a habit. Therefore, if you break your own rules to often, it will become a habit and than there is no point to setting limits. This concept applies to everything in your life, inlusive of business, family, relationships, children, and everything in-between.
WHAT ARE BOUNDARIES OR LIMITS:
These are a line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line, or a limit of a subject or sphere of activity. We are not referring to geographical boundaries, we are talking about the boundaries or limits we set in our life for the things or beliefs we have. Some example might be:
What we allow our children to do,
Limits we may set at work,
How we will allow others to treat us,
What is acceptable and not acceptable to us in a relationship,
How much we may allow our family to interfere with our personal life in any areas. (This is a huge one.)
There can be many more. These are just a few examples. To realize whether or not you have set boundaries and live by them, you must first ask yourself, do you have any? During my time as a public speaker, I have spoken to a variety of audiences on a variety of different topics, Somehow, discussing boundaries always seems to become a part of the engagement I pride myself as having with my audience. LEt's face it, no one wants to just sit there and listen to someone speak, because everyone has something to contribute, and want to be heard. I have spoken with couples that have endured a variety of issues. IN EVERY CASE, the problem has always been, one or the other crossed the line of the other's boundaries, and it was never discussed, and even worse, neither was aware of what was acceptable or not acceptable to the other. Therefore, how does anyone know if they are going to do something to offend someone in their life, or at work. At work or at home, in a relationship or with your family, your boundaries or limits MUST be made perfectly clear.
Let me ask you. How many times at work has your superior spoken to you inappropriately? Did you address it correctly? I can answer that for you. NO! How many times has your family interfered with you and your partner, or your life in general, and you addressed it? Probably NEVER. The first thing you think to yourself is, they are just trying to help. The truth is, they probably are. However, over time, this causes more harm than good. How many times has your partner said to you, "You need to talk to your parents and tell them this is our life or our children."
BOUNDARIES NEED TO BE REALISTIC:
Realistic is a general term because each persons perception of what is realistic is different, and the tolerance level of people is also different. What is realistic to you is something you need to define for yourself. Not for anyone else. A quick story. When my three children were very young, the house next store to my parents came up for sale. They begged us to buy it so they could be closer to their grandchildren and see them more often. My wife thought that was an excellent idea, and did not consider what could also come of it. I also thought it was a great idea. However, I knew certain boundaries needed to be set. I am not the type of person that like people to show up at my house completely unannounced. I may have plans, or might be busy and not in the mood for company. Maybe myself and my wife's work schedule's were so busy, we just wanted to enjoy a night alone after the kids went to bed.
I discussed this with my wife who did not want me to say anything to my parents for fear of hurting their feelings.I learned many years prior, that it not what you say that hurst someone's feelings as much as it is how you say it. I made it clear to my wife I would not put an offer in on the house, which was beautiful, by the way, until we sat with my parents. I knew them, and knew my mother would just walk over anytime she wanted to. Not that I did not love my mother, I most certainly did, but I had limits, and they needed to be clear. In the end, we had this discussion with my parents and explained they could stop over anytime, but just call first. A simple request that would respect my boundaries. After explaining why, properly, they completely understood and agreed. Yes, we bought the house and lived their for ten years before we moved, and never had an issue. My point being, I had boundaries, and I knew that needed to be clearly expressed to avoid any problems in the future.
HOW DO YOU EXPRESS YOUR LIMITS:
I think this is important to discuss because miscommunications is the root of all evil, how arguments occur, and how feelings get hurt. The one thing I pride myself on is that I am an excellent communicator. If I have something to say, I know how to say it so as not to have some offended, or misunderstand me. THAT IS KEY. It is not difficult. It requires a few important skill that anyone can learn.
1. Know what you want to say before you say it,
2. Make sure you are clear in your explanation,
3. Look at what you are going to say from the perspective of the other person. If it sounds confusing or offensive to you, it will to them.
4. Give the other person a chance to speak,
5. MOST IMPORTANT; LISTEN!
If you don;t give the other person a chance to speak, or you do not listen, you will not know whether or not they understand yo9ur position. Oh yes, I know that is difficult. We all have a tendency to want to interrupt someone to make our point. However, that is extremely damaging because no one likes to be interrupted, and when that occurs, they get so angry they do not hear what you are trying to say when you interrupted them. I know this is not a new rodeo for many, and many also know this. However, VERY FEW practice it. Maybe it's time?
Know your limits or boundaries. Be sure those that are a significant part of your life knows them. Express them properly. When someone crosses the line, address it. NO MATTER WHO ARE WHAT IT IS, especially children. At a young age they have a very short attention span. Therefore. this requires constant reinforcement. Trust me, they will get it. If you practice these simple steps, you will find there will be less issues in your life. You will have created an opportunity to discuss them and possibly create a meeting of the minds on some things that could be in disagreement. Your stress level will decrease exponentially.
Please feel free to leave a comment, or browse the site. The second book in my murder mystery trilogy, Life Through A Mirror-The Battle Rages On, is now available. The third and final book in the series is coming in June. Life Through A Mirror-When Murder Calls. That will be followed in September by my love story, When Two Worlds Collide. Oh, and don't forget, A Woman's Fear-Female Abuse. A must read for every woman. Book 1 & 2 in the Life Through A Mirror trilogy are now available, and all my books are available on all major online bookstores. This year we have branched out and opened a video production company call, Altech Videos. Feel free to click on the name and check us out. My YouTube channel subscribers is growing quickly. I never put a large effort into my YouTube Channel. I have now learned the power of that huge platform. Feel free to check it out and subscribe to it if you would like. Here is the link. Caesar Rondina Author YouTube Channel. Here are the links to my other social media platforms. Keep in mind, most of what I do as a writer revolves around my connection to my readers, so, LET'S CONNECT.
Thank you ..... Caesar Rondina
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