What Do You Do When You Feel You Are Tired Of Fighting The Battle?
INTRODUCTION:
Thanks to Karen in Minnesota for your topic request. We all have battles that we fight in life. Some on a daily basis, others when they come up. However, the real question is; Are there really options in life? Meaning, do we have to fight some of these battles or can we ignore them? That is determined by what the battle is. Battles usually break down into basic categories. Physical and emotional. Traditionally, physical battles are when we are dealing with health issues. Many times we cannot control them and it is a battle we need to fight. Sadly, some choose not to.
Emotional battles are completely different. Traditionally, these are battles that deal with matters of the heart. However, they can include battles at work, or doing projects, among other things. The latter are battles we have the ability to control and influence. Battles of the heart which is what this post is more about, are never quite that simple. So let's continue.
WHY FIGHT THE BATTLE?
The one single thing that most people do not do that can save them hours, days, or weeks of frustration is, they do not choose what battles they will fight. They will them all on. Therefore, they are NOT determining if the battle is even worth fighting.
When faced with a battle, the first choice we all must make is determining whether the battle is worth fighting.
This is where the first mistake is made, and this one is a critical mistake., and for various reasons.
Low self-esteem,
Feeling as though you have something to prove,
Lack of respect for others,
You are already stressed and your level of tolerance is decreased,
You fail to see things through the eyes of others, therefore, you think you are always right,
It is your behavioral trait to be confrontational
There are more, but these are the most common reasons. When you look at the list, what do you think each one has in common? That answer is easier than you think. THEY CAN ALL BE CORRECTED. A great saying I love is,
The first step to solving a problem is realizing there is one.
Most times, that problem lies within us. However, how do you know?
Basically, when confronted with a battle, if your first thought is NOT to try and resolve it, rather, you dress for war and go on the attack, the problem usually lies within yourself. Granted, there are times when a battle must be fought, that's a given. However, in the majority of cases, they can be avoided. At that takes is to take a step back, and think before you speak. Ask yourself the most important question. IS THIS BATTLE WORTH FIGHTING? At times, at work, and in relationships, you have to let the other person have their way. No one likes to be dictated to or be controlled. If you choose to join the battle, you MUST understand how the other person will perceive what you say or your actions, and be prepared to accept their response which will undoubtedly anger you, and so the battle begins. Think about this for a moment. How many battles have you fought at work or with your partner that when it was finally resolved, you ask yourselves, why were we even arguing about that? I am willing to bet you most of the time. Although, we must always keep in mind that over time if this behavior continues, it will slowly deteriorate any relationship at work or especially at home.
EVERYONE GETS TIRED OF FIGHTING THE BATTLE:
Think about that heading. Isn't it true? Doesn't every battle we fight eventually lead to not even knowing what the battle is about, and it has now just become a battle f wit? One important thought to nite is;
IN ANY BATTLE, ESPECIALLY A MILITARY ONE, NO ONE IS EVER THE WINNER. EVERYONE IS THE LOSER.
So if that is true, and it is, then we need to ask ourselves; why bother? Well, that reverts back to the examples I gave you., and eventually, everyone gets tired of the battle. Now people are both trying to figure out how to end it without looking like they are giving it. Now, it is no longer about the issue, it is about pride.
Well, maybe you wouldn't have to try to figure out how to hang up the gloves if you never put them on in the first place. This true in all cases, but in relationships, this does go a bit deeper. I have been a guest speaker at many self-help events, and the one thing I always hear, and frankly, do not like, is the phrase; "I'M STUCK."
People who believe this will ALWAYS get tired of fighting the battle. Eventually, they WILL hit rock bottom. However, not until they are suffering from anxiety, extreme stress, the inability to cope with things, maybe even find themselves drinking more, and begin to suffer from clinical depression which can and will get worse. Most people feel that they are stuck in a situation not because they are, it is because they are not willing to face and institute the solution. A solution by the way, that they know what the solution is but refuse to face it. No one can take care of others until they take care of themselves. Which leads to another true statement.
YOU CAN PLEASE SOME OF THE PEOPLE SOME OF THE TIME, BUT NEVER ALL OF THE PEOPLE ALL OF THE TIME.
People who think they can ALWAYS feel stuck. A person will always feel stuck when they try to do the impossible.
IN CLOSING:
One of the things we all must do when we are tired of fighting the battle is be able to and face reality. In a perfect world, everyone gets what they want. We can please everyone, why not? The world is perfect. However, we do not live in a perfect world. Therefore, people need to adjust. In my opinion, no one person should ever have to sacrifice everything they want for themselves in life because of others. The solution lies in the fact and the ability to make the best choice, end the battle, and know that other people will adjust. How many times in life do people need to move because of a job relocation. People fear this and do not want this because they are leaving their comfort zone. So if everyone just stayed put, how would people advance and have a better quality of life, or just simply be happy? Most don't. They move to have a better quality of life or move on to be happy because guess what? Everyone does adjust, and their new home soon becomes their comfort zone. People adjusting is a human trait, because their entire life, whether they realize they are doing it or not, they are always adjusting. The only difference is, they are naturally doing it versus having to think about it.
The sad part is, people actually believe they are doing what is best for others by sacrificing themselves when in reality, they are not. People around you will sense your unhappiness, children will sense the unhappiness in a home, so tell me, how is that making them happy? Many times others will not express their unhappiness not to make someone feel worse about their situation, or they also cannot face the reality of a situation. Oh yes, on paper it sounds simple, but I assure you it is not. However, sometimes it is what we need to do. With all this said, it is always the choice of an individual to choose for themselves including their sacrifices. However, please do not say you are stuck, because you are not. I know, I have been there. myself, and cared for hundreds rowing in that same boat. Some move on, others don't. I can tell you this. In almost every case, those that moved on after they adjusted said they did the right thing. The others are still sadly in their situation which has gotten even worse over time. My experience has shown me that in almost every case where someones did not think of their happiness and sacrifices it for others, they never found happiness, and in some cases, I have seen their health and mental well being deteriorate, and in a couple of cases, seen them take their own life.
In the medical profession, the saddest thing a healthcare provider must deal with is seeing an outcome they know could have been avoided. As a 38 year veteran in public health as a paramedic, I went on calls to the same address and family for years for this exact type of situation. In almost every case where steps were not taken to correct the problem whatever that might have been necessary, I ALWAYS ended up going to an address to find tragedy. A shooting followed by a self-inflicted gunshot wound. We hear a lot of this on the news today. Or an overdose on pills and it was too late, or physical violence so bad that the authorities had no choice but to intervene. Basically, it never ends well.
To wrap it up, first, decide if it is a battle worth fighting. Try to resolve it and be willing to face the reality of the solution. Never fight the battle to the point of exhaustion. Finally, NEVER FORGET. In a battle, there are only losers, never winners.
Stay safe and be well. Thank you.
Caesar Rondina
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